December 18, 2008

The NBA: Origins

I have a piece today on Slate about the New York Knicks' ridiculous courtship of LeBron James, two years ahead of the fact. I frame it in terms of Marvel Comics' long-running "WhatIf" series. This has caused a bubble of speculation online about what would happen if Wolverine actually did join the Knicks. Nerds. The piece is a critique of the NBA, not a fan-boy analysis of superheroes' basketball-playing abilities. Anyway, here's one favorite scenario:

Wolverine would (presumably) not be allowed to use his claws in an actual NBA game, so that’s a problem. Animal-keen senses and enhanced physical abilities describe pretty much everybody in the NBA except maybe Eddy Curry, you have to have at least what I’d consider to be enhanced physical abilities to at least get to a high level in the NBA. Where Wolverine differs would be in his stamina (you could pencil him in for 48 minutes a night, even on back-to-back games on West Coast road trips) and his strength (you don’t lightly foul a man with a metal skeleton). Even if he had below-average ball-handling ability, you’d think he could drive the lane on a consistent basis and no one would want to mess with him. Wolverine would, you’d think, be able to intimidate every wannabe tough guy in the NBA from Shaq on down.

And thus, we fiddle while the recession burns.

Posted by Neal Pollack | Link | Comments (4)

September 17, 2008

Motherhoodlum

Offsprung has just begun airing Season Two of the hilarious web comedy series Motherhoodlum. We're very proud of our first-ever exclusive sitcom. Please check it out. And thanks to Ben Brown and Jesse Keyes for their hard work in getting the fabulous Motherhoodlum page up and running.

Meanwhile, Elijah has begun first grade. Follow the exciting action on Parents.com.

Posted by Neal Pollack | Link | Comments (2)

August 27, 2008

Attack Of The Clowns

I've updated my appearances page, and there are some doozies within the next couple of months: A huge show at Litquake in San Francisco, a reading at Austin Community College, and the Sanibel Island Writers' Conference.

Meanwhile, the fun never stops at Parents.com.

And, in the latest episode of The Neal & Elijah show, Elijah gets Jedi instruction from a very unreliable teacher.

Posted by Neal Pollack | Link | Comments (2)

July 23, 2008

Still Here, Dammit

All my daddy writing is now housed over at Parents.com, or in anthologies that aren't appearing for another year. Enjoy it all here.

Meanwhile, because I am very greedy for alternative-press money, I have begun to write a twice-monthly sports column for the LA City Beat. This one about roller derby is my favorite. In the most recent column, I complain about the Dodgers. Again. For fans (of good writing) only.

Posted by Neal Pollack | Link | Comments (5)

June 17, 2008

Turn Off Your Mind, Relax, And Float Downstream

Please to enjoy my spectacular drug narrative today on Salon.

Also, we "celebrate" the Celtics winning the title at our place. While you're at it, check out the rest of my recent work on Parents.com. I've been on a bit of a streak lately, for some reason.

And please hold for a high-end piece of water conservation crankery by yours truly in the L.A. Times. Ah. Here it is now.

Posted by Neal Pollack | Link | Comments (2)

May 21, 2008

Future Gigs

I've updated my appearances page. Coming up: LA, SF, Austin, and a writer's workshop on Sanibel Island, Florida!

Meanwhile, over on Parents.com, Elijah acts up on an airplane.

And Offsprung is now featuring a podcast of Greasy Kid Stuff, the greatest kid's radio show of all time!

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May 8, 2008

Is This Thing Still On?

A touching account of Elijah's first email here.

Also, this week, I took the courageous step of writing something snarky about baseball. Read my LA City Beat cover story on the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Posted by Neal Pollack | Link | Comments (1)

April 18, 2008

San Francisco Events, April 26-27

I'll be reading at Red Hill Books on Saturday night, April 26, from 7-9 PM. That's a lot of reading! Info here:

Then the next day, April 27, I'll be introducing the Sippy Cups at TWO SHOWS at Bimbo's, 1 PM and 4 PM. All the details can be found here.

Meanwhile, check out my legendary Slate piece on the evils of sports lists and power rankings.

Also, there are usually about three new posts a week on Parents.com.

And if you're not living at Offsprung yet, what's taking you so long?

Posted by Neal Pollack | Link | Comments (3)

March 30, 2008

Important Recent Developments

Elijah discovers an egg in the potty.

I give him a steam cure.

And so much more!

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March 19, 2008

Swingin' With The N Word

Elijah redefines epithets here and here.

And my accountant redefines the meaning of tax time.

All this and more. Do the thrills ever end on Parents.com?

Posted by Neal Pollack | Link | Comments (13)