The Future Of Gay Marriage
The New York Times has published another of my very important tales of contemporary fatherhood. Enjoy. Now, for today's presentation.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, son?"
"When I grow up, I'm going to marry a man."
At the time, we showering in the locker room of the place where Elijah takes swim lessons. I approve of gay marriage. But I still looked around nervously.
"I see," I said.
"Can I do that?"
"Depends," I said. "It's not legal everywhere."
"I want to do it in Los Angeles."
"By the time you're old enough to marry, it should be legal here."
"I will have no kids, only pets, and I will travel to every single place on the earth with my pet guinea pig named Hamsey."
"OK."
"And I'm going to make lots of money."
"That would be nice for you."
"Some grownups live with their parents."
"Not many."
"I'm not going to live with you."
"Good."
"You would yell at me because I'd try to come down into your man hole all the time."
Finally, the guys in the shower started to laugh.
"Whatever," I said.
"I will be an annoying grownup," he said.
"Probably," I said.
"You're annoying, too, daddy."
"I know, son."
Comments
Thanks for posting links to your articles. I never would have the chance to read them otherwise.
Posted by: Ashley | July 1, 2007 3:21 PM
I've long thought the term 'manhole' was being ignored by the comic world. Glad to see you son embracing it.
Posted by: whit | July 1, 2007 4:20 PM
AD,
You're a good Daddy. The world needs more like you.
:-)
Peace,
A
Posted by: Alana | July 2, 2007 10:49 AM
"I will have no kids, only pets, and I will travel to every single place on the earth with my pet guinea pig named Hamsey."
He is kind of a badass. Like Cain, from "Kung Fu".
Posted by: Jason | July 2, 2007 9:54 PM
That made my morning. Thanks.
Posted by: Colin | July 3, 2007 8:33 AM
“No,” he said. “It’s a mystery hair.”
“For God’s sake!” I said.
“I think Costco might be a magic place.”
Seriously? Your small child is an absurdist comedy genius? Wow, good job.
Posted by: tIM | July 3, 2007 11:03 AM
I just read your piece in the NYT magazine, and I really enjoyed it. Congrats.
Posted by: Peter | July 4, 2007 8:40 AM
funniest. post. ever. and loved seeing the nyt piece after hearing you read it at Largo.
Posted by: GIRL'S GONE CHILD | July 4, 2007 1:15 PM
My best friend's kid (he is 4) had the same aspiration. I asked him if he wanted to eat something and he asked for macaroni but with no cheese thank you. Ok, so I started boiling up the pasta. While watching him watching me cooking I asked him if he wanted tomato sauce or some thing else with his macaroni. Nope, plain 'ole pasta.
His mother came in the kitchen to check up on him and he told her the following :
"Mom, when I grow up I'll marry Seth."
"How come?"
"So we can live together."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, and he will cook me only macaroni. Everyday. Without cheese. Or tomato. And he will never ask me if I want tomato. And then we will play."
Apparently he thinks that women are keep forcing men to have cheese and tomato on their pasta. Real men eat their pasta plain. So real men must live together. If it happens to have a best friend then you should marry him. And eat plain pasta everyday.
Posted by: Lily | July 16, 2007 12:52 AM