Spoiler Alert!
Regina and I pulled The Empire Strikes Back off HBO a couple of weeks ago. We decided that it was time for Elijah to learn the terrible secret that frames the Star Wars universe, you know, the one that Darth Vader reveals at the end of the movie. Actuallly, it had been time for Elijah to learn back in December during Christmas at his Nana's, but he was sick at the time and fell asleep about halfway through.
This time, however, Elijah boasted hale health and three additional months of intellectual maturity. It took us a while to get to the relevant part of the movie, because the boy wanted to watch, several times, the scene where the Milennium Falcon escapes from the giant space worm. Also, he liked the bit where the swamp monster spat out R2 on Dagobah.
Finally, though, the moment arrived.
We paused the movie.
"Elijah," I said. "Darth Vader is about to tell a terrible secret."
"What is it?" Elijah asked.
"You'll have to see," said Regina.
"Are there stormtroopers?" he said.
"No stormtroopers," I replied.
"I like stormtroopers."
"I know."
We watched the scene.
"Are they having a light saver fight?" Elijah asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Why are they having a light saver fight?"
"Because they're fighting each other. I don't know. Watch the movie."
Then Darth Vader said, "Luke, I am your father."
We paused the movie.
"Well Elijah," I said. "What do you think?"
"About what?"
"About the secret."
"What secret?"
Regina sighed.
"Pay attention," she said.
She rewound and picked the scene up 30 seconds earlier.
Darth Vader repeated the news.
"So what's the secret?" I said.
"Um."
"Oh, come on."
"That Dark Vader is one of the superhero's fathers?"
"Good enough," I said.
Comments
We must have TiVoed the same showing. I was very surprised -- nay, dismayed -- to hear Darth Vader utter "No, I am your father" *not* "Luke, I am your father" -- whaaaa? My pal Google tells me my ears did not deceive me. The famous line has actually become a different quote in our collective memory. A 'Play it again, Sam' for our generation?
Posted by: Alysia | March 14, 2007 5:52 PM
I my parents made me watch movies with them replaying and highlighting the parts that scratched their itch I would now be in a maximum security prison, if not dead along with the others that stood in the way of my just vengeance.
Posted by: Dick Durata | March 14, 2007 6:22 PM
Did not know that. Add it to "Beam me up, Scotty"...which was also misremembered.
Posted by: Mieke | March 14, 2007 8:00 PM
Has Elijah seen space balls yet? My father pretty much raised us on movies in which the jokes flew over our heads ie Spaceballs, Airplane, Rocky Horror (I was 8)
I do remember finding the guys combing the desert with a big comb hilarious but I didn't get the pick joke.
Oh yeah my husband wants me to admit to the Alternadad universe that I saw Spaceballs before I ever saw starwars.
Dear old Dad also watched Red Dawn, Highlander, and Dune with me before the age of 12.
Posted by: Ashley | March 14, 2007 8:53 PM
Relax, Dick. We don't do it that often.
Posted by: Neal Pollack | March 14, 2007 9:57 PM
I know Neal, I was just funnin'.
Posted by: Dick Durata | March 14, 2007 10:38 PM
You are so lucky Elijah likes movies. My nine-year old twins have only just begun (in the last two years) to watch actual movies with drama, bad guys, and people who make scary breathing noises. It has been a long wait!
I just finished my copy of Alterndad, which the Seattle PI reviewed favorably, and I treated myself to for my birthday (hardback, no less!). I am so glad I did. You've got a wonderful sense of humor, Neal. I think the most useful tool a parent has for raising kids is a good sense of humor.
Is it okay to share topical links? Here is my own favorite spoiler story.
Posted by: Tim Elhajj | March 14, 2007 11:17 PM
but did you watch the Suns/Mavericks game together?
Posted by: paperpusher | March 15, 2007 12:19 PM
The biggest sin is that by watching it now, you're showing the boy the bastardized version. You're pretty much screwed on that front unless you happen to have a copy you taped on VHS from HBO waaaay back in the day.
i still vomit in my mouth a little bit every time i see Greedo shoot first.
Sweet Bippy, when did i become such a geek fanboy?
Posted by: CD | March 15, 2007 12:57 PM
CD,
I hate that change in the first film! Han is not a nice guy at the start of the trilogy. He has a price on his head for Christ's sake!
I have to say that my son (4) loves watching StarWars but he hates Yoda. But then we haven't gotten into the whole George Lucas screwing Jim Henson over thing yet.
Posted by: Ashley | March 16, 2007 8:19 AM
CD -
You can buy the original version on DVD - we grabbed a copy at Best Buy this winter. It's so nice to see that scene, unchanged.
Posted by: mobot | March 19, 2007 7:43 AM