This (besides that last little ad hominem) is the starkest, most honest bit of writing you have put on here. Good show. M

Yeah...

As usual, he makes one or two good points, but it's buried in the rest of his pseudo-reasonable claptrap.

I remember all of the commentary, including your own, on the nearly year old New York Magazine article. Of course, most of us parents can't relate to $200 haircuts or $600 messenger bags. It's totally out of the realm of possibility and who the hell would spend that kind of money on those things anyway?

I do think the tendency to dress our kids as punk or retro is a little pathetic, but introducing them to stuff other than Barney or the Wiggles *is* an attempt to show them that there's something other than the mass marketed "kid appropriate" corporate shite that's out there.

Don't get me started on the school thing. Almost every parent my age (we've got a second grader and a daughter close to Elijah's age) is looking for a way around the abysmal Texas public school system and wondering how the fuck it got so bad.

Excellent riposte, sir.

Hey, Neal!

I`m very happy to discover that I`m not alone as an "alterndad". Few months ago I started to write about my two daughters Lia(5) and Dora(1) and their adventures as infant humans beings. It`s quite funny and intersting. I hope that you can find my blog useful, despite the fact that it is writen in portuguese.

Thanks a lot for your book.

Felipe B

I thought it was not too subtly dismissive that Brooks neglected to name (you) the author. Did you think that was intentional?

The Les Nessman-looking photo of that guy next to a piece on "hipster parents" says it all.

Also? Taking jabs at your son's name is just plain sad on his part. Good for you for having such a level-headed, well-reasoned response. My response to him was not so much.

David Brooks sniffs bicycle seats. And that's all I've got to say about that.

I hate being the only not singing your well deserved praises, but if Alternadad (a great book I PRE-ordered it) was flying off shelves, as it should be. Would Neal Pollack the new gazillionaire really think the state of our country was so horrible?

Maybe not. But I would remember what it was like before the ship came in...

Don't be pissed Admiral.

Caties' Dad,

Point taken, but I'd liket to clarify that Neal is bemoaning in particular the state of the middle class in this country. That will not change, whether we're part of that class ot not (and to be clear, we still are). Bush's policies do nothing but chip away at our middle class. Either you find a way to catapult yourself up to the wealthier classes, or you begin to feel the tug. Everything he does ensures the middle class will fail: health care woes, out-sourcing, failed public schools, real estate costs, etc..

Beautifully done.

Who'd have thought that benignly ironic toddler tees would provoke so much ire in a guy who's well beyond his toddler parenting years. I also wonder when exactly was the last time he spent time in the Park Slope food coop, seething over the hummus-eating hipsters around him.

As I said on my blog today in response to this, slow news week?

Either you find a way to catapult yourself up to the wealthier classes, or you begin to feel the tug. Everything he does ensures the middle class will fail Do not lose hope Regina, My Point is that in this country you can become an oil baron ,or a windowash guy.Speaking as a guy that goes to work every day, with the state of this sad world,please come over to the side where we don't have it too bad.

Either you find a way to catapult yourself up to the wealthier classes, or you begin to feel the tug. Everything he does ensures the middle class will fail Do not lose hope Regina, My Point is that in this country you can become an oil baron ,or a windowash guy.Speaking as a guy that goes to work every day, with the state of this sad world,please come over to the side where we don't have it too bad.

You just completely nailed our parenting philosophy. Seems like a fairly obvious way to go about making little people into big ones - but when you take a look around, I guess not.

Thank you for giving a voice to "tuned in" parenthood.

And b.t.w, if you want bad public schools move to Utah. We are moving back to Texas because the cost of living is reasonable and the public schools don't have the "goal" of 27 kids per teacher/staff. In many elementary schools classes are over 30/fte. The argument I have with many parents here is, you don't know what you don't know - if you don't know any different your situation may seem okay. Texas is not that bad (San Antonio anyway)

Good luck with the book and stuff!

Amazing! Very insightful and it's refreshing to hear a voice similar to my thoughts. Thanks Much!

Catie's Dad,

Thanks for encouragement. We always muddle through. We've chosen to live in LA, and that's a tough standard of living. But it's our choice for many good reasons, and so we will manage. I'm more angry for those who haven't had the options that we do, or the support that we do. An awful lot of people in this country are suffering, and I think it's gonna get worse before it gets better. Despite this, I'm not hopeless.

And on a general note, since when is "Elijah" considered a pretentious name? We didn't make it up. It's not the name of a natural phenomenon, or an everyday fruit, or a weather condition. It's not the name of a famous artist or film director, nor does it come from a legendary character of fiction. Yes, it's Old Testament. So? Since when is that pretentious? And um, what about "David," eh?

Amen, Regina. On both counts. I don't think Elijah is a pretentious name at all. It's not like you called him Percival or Roderick or Ludovicus...

Catie's dad, you come off a bit insensitive and classist, as I don't think everyone has the choice between oil baron or window-washer in this country, or has the opportunity to "come over to the side where we don't have it so bad". The cards are more and more stacked with the passing years and this regime, and I don't think rags-to-riches exceptions to the rule justify the way the system is increasingly putting the "American dream" out of reach of hardworking people. As Regina said, they (and I, and others like us) will muddle through, but we are intelligent and fairly privileged, all things considered. If we muddle, what about those who don't have college degrees?

I mean, have you considered that just the mere fact that we are reading this blog likely puts us pretty much in the same socio-economic sphere, and therefore far more capable of making the hypothetical jump? You'd have a hard time even preaching to the ones who are truly in trouble, because it's unlikely they are in your circle. What about them? Let them eat cake? If even WE are struggling to "come on over to your side", the people bagging your groceries and making all your "stuff" simply have no chance in a country where it costs hundreds of dollars a month for health insurance with a $3000 deductible they'll never be able to meet (ahem), even if they badly need to see a doctor. What is the solution for them? I don't really accept your apparent strategy of throwing up your hands and accepting a return to a feudalistic society, as long as you make sure you're in the ruling class.

Anyway, nice entry, Neal.

Fuck yeah, Neal.

Brooks's entire argument is that same-old-same-old Republican talking point that convicts people for their tastes. That's how George W. Bush, presidential scion and heir to millions can come across as just one of the guys while those of us who struggle to make ends meet are somehow part of an "elite." It's a neat way fo distracting people from the fact that the filthy fucking rich are interested in becoming filthier richer -- but they're OK folks because they watch NASCAR.

Best reply to Brooks ever.Eric Alterman, Dan Perkins and Thomas Frank have all done brilliant Brooks rebuttals, but this is my favourite yet.

What right do you have to feed your kids "inevitable hummus snacks" anyway? Who do you think you are?

see "Back to the Barcalounger, Alternadads"

at suburbankamikaze.com

Hooooo, Neal. I'm still reeling from Brooks' recent comment about the new majority of unmarried adults and their "inevitable slide into single parenthood," so I'll just take you and Regina's rebuttals as the counterpoints superseding and obviating the reading of the point. I shall pass, Mr. Brooks.

No Alternadads, No Peace!

No Alternadads, No peace!

--

Nice response to an out of touch elitist who honestly has NO clue.

No racist police!

I liked how 3 years was too long for Mr. Brooks to bear a perceived fashion trend, but for an illegal, unjust and murderous war? Let's give it a little bit longer!

Mr. Pollack, don't let the bastards get you down. I think Elijah is a beautiful name. And as for abusive pretension? I'll leave that to Mr. Brooks.

Ignore negativity. Take care of your beautiful children any way you like, name them the most gorgeous and original names you wish, feed them the healthiest food you can find and thank the Universe every day for them.

No matter what happens in life, there's always going to be the one critic who has to be negative to get attention...in the grand scheme of things it really means nothing.
Just enjoy every second with your kids and give yourselves a pat on the back for taking such an interest in what they hear, see and experience. I think parents today are more present than ever in their kid's lives and it's fantastic...perhaps it's what was missing in "someone's" childhood.

If David Brooks is against you, then you know you must be doing something right.

I just woke up from a 5-year coma. What the fuck happened to Neal Pollack's hilarious Maelstrom articles?

Amen, brother!

Great job on Sound of Young America, too.

Steve

I wish you were my daddy...I mean, I wish my father had been more like you. That he wanted to raise a thinking child as opposed to a mainstream cog...I (and many of my peers) have had to dig out of a pretty deep hole of conformity.

Neal, I couldn't agree more. So much of what people bemoan as "hipster parenting" is no more or less than parents who dare to wrest control of their child's narrative away from a societal pro-programmed track that honestly hasn't been working for a long, long time. I see the word "brat" used a lot when what the person is actually observing is a child who dares to step outside of some entrenched behavioral groove, one that feels so familiar and comforting to some tired adults that they never bother to notice how high the walls beside them really are, or bother to wonder if there's something better beyond those walls.

I've spent the last four years fighting to find a way to educate my daughter, who has a rare condition which leaves her unable to speak. If we'd listened to the experts and played by the rules, she'd still be sitting in a special education class that was functioning as little more than day care, waiting for the day when she turned eighteen and could be turned back over to us as her primary caretakers. Now, thanks to technology and a refusal to take no for an answer, she's attending mainstream classes and is on track to graduate from high school. She's going to do whatever the fuck she wants, and on her terms, because we as a family rejected the course that society had chosen for her.

You don't have to have a special situation like mine to recognize and reject the ugly, knee-jerk reaction to a perceived threat to the status quo. I've found your book to be less about "being a cool dad" and more about finding your own way. I'm not surprised by the reaction you're getting.

His generation (bobo boomers) is jealous of ours, so are you surprised? They want to deride anything that directs attention away from them and their culture. They have always resented passing the torch on to us. Our generation's parenting style is different from theirs (latch key kids, divorced parents, etc) and now they feel indicted.

As a 25 year old I missed the X label and as a member of the working poor I don't get to revel in middle-classness (yet). I wish that I was making enough to get my sons pithy tee shirts. I will always fight for decent schooling and better healthcare than we have and that is what's important. My kids are my life and I don't think that we alternaparents should give that asshole the time of day.

DAVID BROOKS: APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!

DAVID BROOKS: APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!

DAVID BROOKS: APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!

Hear, hear! I feel you, brother.

David Brooks is an overeducated idiot. I second what someone above said: if he's against you, you must be doing something right.

Well done! I actually like David Brooks a lot, but he is way off base with this column. He seems to be suggesting somehow that "hipsster parents" view their kids as accessories and their desire to pass on tastes in music, dress, etc., is nothing more than reflected narcissium and selfishness. His point is well taken, but most of these parents are just not like that at all - their kids are the center of their lives, and the cultural signifiers don't have any, well, significance, beyond personal taste and style.

As if outfitting your little girls in entirely pink rooms and entire pink wardrobes isn't conformance to a cultural norm the same way, say, a British Sea Power onesie is. No one has ever shown that oshkosh clothes, living in the exurbs, or listening to the Wiggles has ever made a kid smarter, healthier, or happier.

While some of these "hipster parents" probably are a bit selfish, most are loving and giving parents and many are quite conservative socially. And there's no doubt that there are plenty of selfish parents raising their kids in the exurbs, making them listen to Barney, and dressing them in cutesy pink outfits. Just because you don't think it is inevitable that your kids grow up in this mass baby culture pushed on us by huge corporations doesn't mean we don't love our kids - these things haven't been shown to have any benefit for kids at all!

Of course I didn't consider much of this at all, nor would I ever have though of myself as a candidate for hipster parenthood, until I became a parent (all of 2 weeks ago!) and decided that I wasn't going to move out of my hip neighborhood in DC for the exurbs of Virginia, sell my mountain bike for an Expedition, or quit my band.

A long post to say, essentially, Bravo! I also enjoyed alternadad.

A few months ago, he had a similar op-ed on tattoos which was just more "angry old man on a porch somewhere" drivel. The real sad thing isn't even the piece, but that the Times is allocating valuable op-ed real estate to this meaningless shit.

At the end of the day, unless it's abusive or developmentally detrimental, "hipster parents" don't have to apoligize for anything they're doing. To a certain extent, all parents try to impart certain aspects of themselves into their children. Is playing some Radiohead for your kid worse than foisting your religious view on them? Arguably yes and arguably no. Everyone has their own way of raising their kids, so Mr. Brooks shouldn't be that asshole on the playground that tells people how to.

Lastly, as far as dressing your kid goes, no one has to feel bad about buying an ironic 100% organic cotton onesie produced by a small maker rather than a a mass-produced one with a cross-eyed duckie that says "World's best granddaughter" underneath it. By daughter has both and she looks both cute and appropriately child-like in both.

I think the term "honky" was coined specifically with David Brooks in mind.

the new york times could instead, if it cared to, opine that the civil war in iraq "has to stop." i'm assuming of course that you haven't sparked any vicious cycles of revenge killings by keeping bad commercial music out of your home.

Nice volley, Neal. Just saw the Brooks column recently, which in blogging terms might as well be 10 years ago.

This article was just republished in a local St. Louis newspaper. Okay. I don't believe it's a matter of non-conformity that is the driving force behind the majority of things mentioned in Mr. Brook's article. When I pick up a baby T that doesn't have Winnie the Pooh on it, I'm not doing so to rebel against the man. It's a matter of taste. When a parent decorates there child's room in either Dora or Spongebob, princesses or football players, they're doing so because they have a personal preference towards these things and the label that's attached to what's appropriate depending on gender. Or, they have no interest in being imaginative beyond the pre-packaged set of bed sheets and matching wall paper boarder they can pick up at Target. Well, I want more. If my personal preference doesn't align with the chain department store (or David Brooks) idea of child acceptable design doesn't mean I'm hipper-than-thou. When, or even if, Brooks ever had children, I wouldn't believe him if he were to tell me that while carting his spawn around in his 74' Buick, the radio dial wasn't playing music he preferred that was popular. Hey look, I can like Neil Diamond as much as the next guy who has a sexual identity crisis. Just like his children had to listen to Sweet Caroline, my son will get a taste of Fake Plastic Trees on the old hi-fi. I wouldn't say that because my parents dressed me in the fashions of the time in my childhood, that they were creating miniature reproductions of themselves or that they were refusing to let go of there own youth. Some of the styles in the 70's may have been ludicrous. Was there a practical aspect to bell bottoms I'm not aware of? But I've no objection to having had to wear what was then popular. The fact that there are now e-zines, blogs, and shops dedicated to the parent who want more colors to chose from besides pink, blue, or the occasional gender neutral green is welcomed by us "hipsters". The markets popularity is dictating the supply, not undermining it's appeal by making it mainstream. Is it pretentious to be concerned for our children's health by listening to research that suggests there's ill effects to using certain materials or consuming certain additives? Was it pretentious when Brook's generation finally took seriously the effects of smoking cigarettes? The fact is, everything Brooks described as counter culture is actually, already the mainstream.

An underlying point in his article is his feeling that there's an age in an adults life where he expects people to conform to his idea of adulthood. Which looks, feels, and smells a certain way. Frankly the new and not necessarily younger generation of parents have not let age define when they stop evolving. If that were the case, I'd still be listening to Live "Lightening Crashes" on infinite repeat and sporting an odd mix of grunge and hip-hop fashions popular in the later years of my college career. What is that magical milestone where adults are suppose to give in to wearing Mom jeans, Holiday theme sweat shirts, dockers and short sleeve knit polos appropriate for the business casual scene? When are we suppose to listen to "our" music and let the kids have their rock-n-roll and poodle skirts? What other lines shouldn't be blurred between my generation and our children? Internet usage? Cassette verses CD's? Red cars verses Tope? MTV or MTV2? Frosted Flakes verses Shredded Wheat? Coke or Red Bull? Original vintage graphic T or remake vintage graphic T?

Brooks would be better suited to sitting on a park bench shaking his fist at passing cars because the title of media curmudgeon is already taken by Andy Rooney.

I don't understand why people like Brooks get so worked up about taste. Several people here have already said it: who cares if a baby - who doesn't even notice what's on the onesie before he drools (or worse) on it - is wearing pink or purple or black or white? Why would a parent who likes one kind of music go out of his way to expose the kids to music etc. that he hates? Would Brooks prefer it if we all dressed our babies as Jon Benet Ramsey?

Most of what I read about parenting involves stuff I have no interest in - not because I consider myself "superior" but because it sounds so bloody painful. Playdate etiquette for social-climber mommies? Designer cupcakes at thousand-dollar princess parties? Over-scheduled four-year-olds preparing their resumes for Ivy League applications? Or at the other extreme, "elimination communication" and breastfeeding through puberty? How has that crap escaped Brooks' glare?

Most of what is called "alternative parenting" sounds to me like "what I grew up with." I intend to "force" my baby to listen to the same Woody Guthrie record my parents "forced" on me, and let him run wild instead of using "playdates" to climb the social ladder, and teach himself to think for himself instead of listening to the dictates of crusty old fogies.

I've spent the last four years fighting to find a way to educate my daughter, who has a rare condition which leaves her unable to speak. If we'd listened to the experts and played by the rules, she'd still be sitting in a special education class that was functioning as little more than day care, waiting for the day when she turned eighteen and could be turned back over to us as her primary caretakers. Now, thanks to technology and a refusal to take no for an answer, she's attending mainstream classes and is on track to graduate from high school. She's going to do whatever the fuck she wants, and on her terms, because we as a family rejected the course that society had chosen for her.

I see the word "brat" used a lot when what the person is actually observing is a child who dares to step outside of some entrenched behavioral groove, one that feels so familiar and comforting to some tired adults that they never bother to notice how high the walls beside them really are, or bother to wonder if there's something better beyond those walls.

". Brooks, in all his privilege, doesn't get the point:"
Can a leftist even make an arguement anymore without accusing the other side of "privilege" anymore? It's as meaningless as neo-cons accusing their opponents of "supporting terrorism".

Neal: Just read your article about toughening up your boy. My only child son is similar and now 16 years old. Looking back I wish that I had let him solve more of his own problems instead of being there to comfort him on every adversity.
Coping skills are what your father and family were developing as they went through their trials and there has to be a way to show that to our younger generation. There is something to be said for "benign neglect". I think it can instill empowerment and independence that our generation seems not to be able to teach our children.

Neal: Just read your article about toughening up your boy. My only child son is similar and now 16 years old. Looking back I wish that I had let him solve more of his own problems instead of being there to comfort him on every adversity.
Coping skills are what your father and family were developing as they went through their trials and there has to be a way to show that to our younger generation. There is something to be said for "benign neglect". I think it can instill empowerment and independence that our generation seems not to be able to teach our children.