First, housekeeping, as every entry these semi-busy days must begin with housekeeping. I've made some final adjustments to my tour schedule. My Jan. 18 reading at the Free Library Of Philadelphia starts at 7 PM. Also, the awesome Jan. 28 San Francisco book party and "dance freakout" with Beth Lisick and Pipsqueak A-Go-Go will run from 3-6 PM at 12 Galaxies. $5 for kids, $8 for adults.
Meanwhile, my first Amazon review for Alternadad has arrived. It's from none other than my former literary agent (and current Apple, Inc. spokesmodel) John Hodgman. I now have a goal: To get all current and former Daily Show cast members to review my book on Amazon. Can A. Whitney Brown be far behind?
For now, though, let's close the door on the offices of the Department Of Literary Nepotism and proceed with our usual amusing Elijah-related content. A fine tale follows after the bump.
Yesterday evening, before my epic semi-drunken book-release party, I was dispatched to watch Elijah while Regina took a shower. This turned out to be the easiest Elijah-watching period ever. As soon as mom vanished into her cleansing chamber, Elijah said,
"Daddy, I'm going to cook dinner for you now."
"Sounds good," I said.
He then went into his bedroom, where he has his own wooden kitchen, his main Chanukah gift from 2005. I heard a lot of clanging and thumping, but no crying, so I left it alone. A few minutes later, Elijah emerged. He was holding a green plastic bowl. He handed it to me.
"Here you go," he said.
Inside the bowl were half a green crayon, half a red crayon, a chunk of toy plastic sushi rice, and the black plastic stands from his Dr. Doom and Incredible Hulk figurines.
"Looks yummy," I said.
"It is yummy," he said.
"What is it?"
"Oh. I like egg soup."
"I know. That's why I made it for you."
"Thank you. What ingredients did you use?"
"Egg," he said.
"And lemon and chicken broth."
My son had prepared a bowl of imaginary straciatella! Good boy!
"And sugar," he added.
"I don't know about the sugar."
"Lots of sugar," he said.
I moved to eat the soup with the plastic spoon Elijah had given me.
"No, daddy," he said. "It's not done yet."
"I have to mix it."
So I handed the bowl back to him. He took it over to the coffee table and began to stir the ingredients, chanting "Mix, mix, mix, mixy mixy mix!" over and over again. When Regina emerged from the bathroom 20 minutes later, he was still mixing.
"Mixy mixy mix, mommy!" he said.
"What the hell is he doing?" Regina said to me.
"Making egg soup," I said.
"Naturally," she replied.