Many of you have noticed changes to the site. It would be hard not to notice them. Thanks to the excellent professional designer Jefferson Rabb, this particular Internet patch now closely resembles the design of the Alternadad book jacket. We'll be making incremental adjustments over the next few days, but they'll be small. From now on, this is nealpollack.com.

However, other than a slightly amped-up personal bio and additional press links (to come soon), the content will remain the same. So adjust your eyes to the new colors, sit back, relax, and watch all kinds of crazy shit come out of Elijah's mouth.

The other night, the boy and I were on the couch, sharing a bag of mini-carrots. I searched for conversation. Thanks to my Del Close-taught improv skills, a new vein of absurdity opened.

"Son," I said. "When I was a kid, carrots were called farrots. And they were purple."

"Are you joking?" Elijah asked.

"Of course not."

"What were cucumbers called, daddy?"

"Pukecumbers."

"Were they made of puke?"

"Yes."

Elijah caught on quickly.

"When I was a kid," he said. "Dogs didn't have butts, and they had to poop out of their noses."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Tonight, the adventure continued. We pulled into the driveway after another thrilling family trip to the gym and the Soup Plantation. Elijah pointed out the moon.

"When I was a kid," I said, "the moon was called a spoon, and it was purple."

"When I was a kid," said Elijah, "the moon was called schrappy rappy b'dang dang. And it was made out of JoJo."

Damn. It always comes down to JoJo.

Posted by at 10:22 PM | Permalink