If I Had To Pick A Nose...
Elijah and I were playing rough on the bed the other night. As usual, I dominated. Then he switched strategies on me.
I looked up and saw his finger crooking toward my nose.
"Heh heh heh...." he said. "You'd better watch out...."
"Elijah," I said, "You cannot pick my nose."
"Why?"
"Because you don't pick other people's noses. It's disgusting."
"But I'm out of boogers."
"That's not my problem. Plus, you shouldn't eat your boogers."
"I love them."
"I know."
He moved his finger toward my nose again.
"Look out for my finger. It's coming...." he said.
I tried this tack:
"Go ask mommy if you can pick her nose instead."
He stood up and ran into the other room. I heard:
"Mommy? Can I please pick your nose?"
"No. Go pick daddy's nose."
Elijah returned.
"Daddy! Mommy said I could pick your nose."
"No."
He hopped back up on the bed.
"OK," he said. "Then I want you to close your eyes for a very long time and not notice anything that's going on around you."
For some reason, I did what he asked. Suddenly, I realized his plot. I opened my eyes to find Elijah's finger just inches away from my right nostril, slowly moving toward the hole.
"You are a nasty booger thief," I said.
"Booger," said Elijah. "Booooooooger!"