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October 26, 2006

Auto Eroticism

After I picked Elijah up at school yesterday, he climbed into the backseat. I fiddled with something in the trunk. Then I looked up. He was pressing himself against the seat, grinding rhythmically.

"What are you doing?" I said.

"I'm humping myself!"

This is one of the disadvantages of having a dog. Elijah has learned some unsavory behaviors. At least he isn't eating cat poop. Yet.

"Elijah," I said, "you can't do that in public."

"But I love it."

"Of course you do," I said. "Everyone does. But it's something you do in private, in your room, with your door closed."

A minute later, we were driving.

"So did you do anything fun at school?" I asked.

In the rear-view, I could see that he was bopping up and down.

"I'm still humping myself," he said.

"Yes," I said. "I can see that."

"We made pretzels today."

"That's great. Are you done humping yourself now?"

"Uh-huh. My pretzel was very long and salty."

I drove on, pretending that the double-entendre wasn't there.



The return of Goo Man?

If my kid turns out like that, I'm sending him to you for raising. I don't trust myself to handle these things with such aplomb.

Hi, Neal, I have 2 children. when I was young I could never think that all children are so similar and different in the same time.My daughter was the same humping, mewling and asking thousand questions per day. That's good,that is the development. Good luck!And keep her away from head stroke!and others as well ;)

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