Uncanny
On Friday evening, I went to the Von's at Figueroa and Colorado to buy supplies for that night's Dodger game. When I got into the checkout line with my two bottles of Aquafina and my chocolate bar, the guy in front of me, who had a bunch of items, asked me if I wanted to go ahead of him. He was so friendly and good-humored that I refused. So I waited for him to finish, now in a jolly mood.
I turned around. The guy behind me was loading five cans of wet dog food onto the conveyor belt. I should have said, "Do you want to go ahead of me?", because that would have been passing down the karma. Instead, for some reason, I said,
"I hope those aren't for you."
I looked up and beheld the bitter, unshaven, face of an ex-con. His eyes were red-rimmed and blazing with permanent anger.
"Do you eat this?" he asked.
"No..."
"Do I look like I eat dog food?"
The proper answer was "you look like you could eat dog food," but really, I want to live to see my son graduate from kindergarten. So instead, I said,
"I was just being silly."
"Maybe it's not good to be silly."
"I'm really sorry. I hang around with three-year-olds all the time."
"I'm not three years old."
I apologized about eight more times, and thus survived another round of errands. Someday, I vowed to myself, I'll live in a neighborhood where the odds are actually low that I'll be murdered at the grocery store. But in a city where a starter home at the top of a decaying hill ringed by rusted-out cars goes for $550,000, that day won't come soon.
Comments
Very funny!!!!:);):) I don't know why that man was soooo amazed at the idea he might eat dog food!!! I saw a person in the Dubai hotel, who looked well-off, but really ate sometimes dog food!!! Really!!! His organism required calcium, that's all!!! But how many people eat chalk for the same reasons!!! :)
Posted by: massyandra | September 26, 2006 1:05 AM
I have recently begun entertaining the notion that maybe, just maybe, it's not important that everything I say be humorous, or that I say every humorous thing that pops into my head. After I've done a little more contemplation on this, I will let you know how it turns out.
Posted by: troy | September 26, 2006 8:45 AM
The grizzled respond to only one thing: lengthy reasoning. I find trying to reason for hours with people who don't "get it" to be very rewarding. They learn something and I get the satisfaction of having made someone's life more rich.
Posted by: Tim | September 26, 2006 9:49 AM
Maybe you should stick to Ralph's.
Posted by: steve steward | September 26, 2006 11:32 AM
Why eat dog food when you can eat crow? Yum!
Posted by: Cupie | September 26, 2006 12:29 PM
You should have just barked at the guy. Ruff! Ruff!
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