Cruel Shoes
Until yesterday, Elijah had two pairs of shoes in rotation: some blue Crocs that were too small, and a pair of orange Crocs that were a little too big, causing him to trip and skin his knees a lot. Also, he got blisters from them. For those of you who don't know, Crocs--rubber closed-toe sandals with little air holes dotting the top of the shoe--are the de rigeur preschool footwear of the moment. They are, I believe, Scandanavian in origin. If they're not, they probably should be. Anyway, Elijah was complaining, and he doesn't need any more reasons to complain. It was time for his fall shoes.
Regina took him to the mall yesterday. She returned with a pair of navy-blue Pumas that looked just as comfortable as anything I own. Apparently, he'd tried on the exact same pair at a different store an hour before she bought these, claiming that the first pair made him uncomfortable, though we later found out that was because the saleslady made him wear itchy socks. Good lord. Anyway, he liked this pair, claiming they gave him the power to "run really really fast, faster than all the people in the world, and Hot Man."
Morning came. Regina woke up with Elijah. I slept an hour longer, getting up in time to drive him to school. As I staggered about the house, trying to find clean clothes, I heard this from the living room:
"NEAL! I need your help! NOW!"
Really, I should just wake up every morning by having a teakettle full of boiling water poured on myself. It would be easier.
Regina was in the living room, wrangling the boy, who was sobbing relentlessly, refusing to put on his shoes.
"He says he doesn't like the loops," she said. "I am so sick of this crap."
"The loops scare me," Elijah sobbed.
"They're not scary," said Regina. "They're shoelaces!"
We left him there and went into the kitchen to quietly confer
"He's doing this to spite me, you know," she said.
"No," I said. "He's just kind of crazy."
"NO SHOES WITH LOOPS!" Elijah said from the other room, proving my point.
"I can't take this anymore," said the wife. "You get him to put on the shoes."
She stormed away. I went into the living room and said, "Elijah, if you don't wear these shoes, I'm going to make you eat them."
He snuffled, and then smiled.
"People don't eat shoes," he said.
"They do if they're naughty."
When we arrived in the school parking lot, I said loudly, to anyone who could hear, "Hey there! Isn't Elijah wearing the most awesome shoes of all time?"
"Elijah, those are the coolest shoes ever," said his friend's mom.
Elijah started running around me in circles. And then he bolted across the parking lot, holding my hand. It was 9:15 AM, and I'd barely outsmarted a three-year-old. Sadly, that proved to be the highlight of my day.
Comments
My daughter pulled the shoe thing because she didn't like the transition from home to preschool. I just scooped her up and took her to school without her shoes. When she wasn't allowed to play outside without them, she put them on at school with no fuss.
Posted by: kate | September 21, 2006 3:41 AM
Ahh.. the show thing. My 2 1/2 yr old daughter got a pair of pink shoes that she loved (she wont wear them if they are not at least 75% pink). Then we went to buy her sneakers. Well, she just didnt seem to get that she could have both shoes and sneakers and was unwilling to give up her new pink shoes to try on any sneakers. Needless to say we left the mall after much arguing, sneakerless.
Posted by: Eric | September 21, 2006 6:04 AM
I shaped up real quick after my dad made me eat a pair of shoes.
Posted by: Steve Steward | September 21, 2006 7:38 AM
Off topic here, but I found it high-larious that Mike Judge incorporated crocs into the penal-wear of our dumbed down future inmates (see Idiocracy: like now!). Rarely do I find myself distrustfull of shoes, but there's something nefarious 'bout them slip-ons.
Posted by: S. Grundy | September 21, 2006 9:40 AM
My 2 year old nephew won't wear anything but his orange Crocs, those suckers should be bronzed!
Posted by: Cupie | September 26, 2006 12:36 PM
Crocs? A deck shoe headquartered in Colorado(?). Explain that one to me please.
I own no less than three pair, all in different colors and styles.
My two year-old nephew? He owns two pair. His parents? two pair each as well. And finally,
I recently bought two pair that looked suspiciously like keychain fobs for my unborn twins.
It might be a sickness.
Posted by: Big Daddy Rob | September 27, 2006 10:22 PM
I agree with what you said earlier.
Posted by: Alex | October 4, 2006 8:11 AM
ionolsen23 So interesting site, thanks!
Posted by: thomson | October 19, 2006 1:56 PM
ionolsen24 So interesting site, thanks!
Posted by: pipetka | October 20, 2006 2:56 PM
ionolsen24 Your home page its great
Posted by: timoshka | October 20, 2006 3:08 PM
digital surveillance cameras swv digital surveillance cameras http://digital-surveillance-cameras.blogspot.com
fuji digital cameras swv fuji digital cameras http://fuji-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
underwater digital cameras swv underwater digital cameras http://underwater-digital-cameras.blogspot.com
compare digital cameras swv compare digital cameras http://compare-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
casio digital cameras swv casio digital cameras http://casio-digital-cameras.blogspot.com
digital camera ratings swv digital camera ratings http://digital-cameras-ratings-pro.blogspot.com
waterproof digital cameras swv waterproof digital cameras http://waterproof-digital-cameras.blogspot.com
canon digital cameras swv canon digital cameras http://canon-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
top selling digital cameras swv top selling digital cameras http://top-selling-digital-cameras.blogspot.com
canon digital camera swv canon digital camera http://cannon-digital-camera-pro.blogspot.com
top rated digital cameras swv top rated digital cameras http://top-rated-digital-cameras.blogspot.com
digital slr camera swv digital slr camera http://digital-slr-camera-pro.blogspot.com
used digital cameras swv used digital cameras http://used-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
panasonic digital cameras swv panasonic digital cameras http://panasonic-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
buy digital cameras swv buy digital cameras http://buy-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
kodak digital cameras swv kodak digital cameras http://kodak-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
comparison of best digital cameras swv comparison of best digital cameras http://comparison-of-best-digital-cameras.blogspot.com
cheap digital cameras swv cheap digital cameras http://cheap-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
slr digital cameras swv slr digital cameras http://slr-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
best digital cameras swv best digital cameras http://best-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
compare prices digital cameras swv compare prices digital cameras http://compare-prices-digital-cameras.blogspot.com
sony digital cameras swv sony digital cameras http://sony-digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
digital video cameras swv digital video cameras http://digital-video-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
digital cameras swv digital cameras http://digital-cameras-pro.blogspot.com
Posted by: digital surveillance cameras | October 24, 2006 4:55 PM