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Elijah has begun taking swim classes for the summer, though I guess in L.A., he can pretty much take swim classes year-round. This is particularly true where he's going now, which has got to be one of the nicest non-country club pools in the country. The Rose Bowl Aquatic Center, which is in direct proximity to, yes, the Rose Bowl, has trained hundreds of champion swimmers and divers, or at least has tried. Its pools are endless and sparkling, and the whole complex is ringed by the curving, almost mysterious hills that make that part of Pasadena such an unaffordable place to live.
In Austin, we took classes at public pools that weren't quite as nice, but were certainly pleasant enough. Those swim lessons largely consisted of me holding Elijah, while a half-dozen moms held their babies, as we all turned in a circle singing "The Wheels On The Bus" and "Motorboat, Motorboat." Thankfully, those days are gone now, and I no longer have to get in the pool. I like swimming, but I don't like feeling like I've accidentally stumbled into an aquatic mother's day out.
Now the swim diapers are mercifully gone, and Elijah is ready to learn this important skill in earnest. Unfortunately, we seem to have registered him in the busiest class in the history of the Rose Bowl Aquatic Center. Note to self. Monday and Wednesday at 4:40 PM, not good. Elijah's swim lessons mostly involve him and a dozen other toddlers sitting on a step in the shallow end of the pool while a bunch college students try to figure out who's going to take which kids, and at what level. Or they're gossiping. I can't really tell. As Elijah has said after most classes, "there's too much people here."
On the second lesson day, Elijah actually spent 15 minutes without getting touched by an instructor at all. The first time he made contact was when he ventured off the step and started to sink. Then they paid attention to him. I got a refund for that particular lesson from the supervisor, who was about half my age. Let's say 20 years old. I kept hoping she'd turn around so I could see her shapely and very tan shoulder blades, but I felt a little old, bald, and perverted. Plus, Elijah was trying to throw a bottle of water into the pool. She seemed somewhat surprised when I shook her hand and called her ma'am. I sympathized; I've lived in so many different regions of the country that I'm confused by my own manners.
Subsequent lessons have been a little better, but it still feels like kind of a mad rush to get my money's worth. I make sure to position Elijah directly in front of a teacher, and to stand right by the step, with my arms crossed. One other mom stands guard as well.
"I can't believe I'm that dad," I said to her one day.
"Hey," she said. "You've got to advocate for your kid."
Fortunately, Elijah's teachers seem to adore him. He has a way with the ladies, even if his way involves pitching the plastic diving turtle halfway across the pool and splashing his teachers when they're not looking. He also makes sure that they're watching when I pull his UV-protectant swim shirt (which Regina bought from a company in Australia, because they really understand this UV stuff), over his head. He also makes sure that he gets his head caught in the shirt and howls with laughter while I do it.
"Elijah," said his teacher, "You're a bad dude."
"I'm not a bad dude," he replied. "I'm Elijah Pollack."
Oh, you're a bad dude, all right.
Elijah appears to have learned, somehow, how to do the doggie paddle, though he isn't yet doing this unassisted. I'm hoping that by the end of the session, some of the other parents will have given up and he'll actually get to, you know, swim. The other day, I was talking to a dad in the stands.
"It's usually great here," he said. "Sometimes, you come to classes, and there are only two kids and like five teachers. This is just an aberration."
"Fucking typical," I said.
He turned away. I realized that it's not a good idea to use "fucking" as a modifier with people you don't know. Well, at least someone's learning something.
Commenters, on your mark, get set, share your swimming lesson stories. Go!
Comments
Well, I actually took my first swimming lessons at the age of 27. I'm actually the only person in my immediate family who now knows how to swim, and my late dad was a captain on a boat in the Great Lakes! It was a dreadful experience at the start because if you're 27 and do not yet know how to swim, you have years of emotional baggage regarding the idea and probably have a phobia to encounter. The very first thing my instructor, Bill, made me do was try to go all the way underwater...even my whole head! I couldn't quite get that far the first night, and the perfectionist in me howled with indignation. (There were copious tears at home later that night.) Not only that, but the lap pool at the Park Ridge Community Center is usually set to the "Arctic" temperature. So I wasn't even sure if I'd make it to the second lesson, but somehow I forced myself to, and then I quickly learned that one has to quickly immerse oneself to get rid of that "March of the Penguins" feeling. Anyway, the first few weeks were *miserable*, and I couldn't really commiserate with anyone because they would all look at me with a blank stare and say, "I can't really remember my swimming lessons." Whereas I'll remember every second of those lessons for the rest of my life. I want to commend you for working with Elijah on this early because it's much less traumatizing like this, by far.
Meanwhile, somehow along the way, I actually started learning how to swim. I had to give myself over to The Bill Way of Doing Things. Bill is elderly with several joint replacements, but I'm pretty sure he could still keep someone from drowning. As I surrendered to his sometimes insane-sounding instructions, I found that everything that I *swore* was utterly impossible was, in fact, within my capability. (Hey Adidas...call me).
So now I'm in the advanced classes, and I can't seem to quit. I justify it with the notion that I need the exercise, and there are still some things I suck at and other things that I haven't tried before. I think I'm having my typical father figure issues and separation anxiety, but otherwise it's money well spent.
Meanwhile, the one thing I don't get about kids' classes is how long it takes them to progress. My niece is 8, and I was talking to her about all this. "You mean, you're in Level IV, and they haven't made you put your face in the water yet?" Everyone has to learn at their own pace, but damn. You can't really *do* anything without putting your face in the water...that's just the physics of it. Maybe the large class sizes have something to do with it.
Oh, and people who get offended by the word "fuck" aren't worth knowing.
Posted by: karen | June 7, 2006 1:29 AM
My first swimming lessons occurred when I was two years old. They were sufficiently traumatic for me to actually remember them, and the name of my teacher - the evil Mrs. Mack. They sound kind of like your first class with Elijah, except that instead of holding the kids and singing songs, my mom and the other mothers were trying to prevent their whimpering, terrified children from climbing them like trees to escape the teacher. I only remember bits and pieces, of course - clinging to my mother, having my head pushed underwater as I "swam" to the side of the pool with Mrs. Mack, and being placed face down in the water until the singsong call of "One, two, three, turn over! Turn over!"
Amazingly, I still loved swimming, and really learned to swim in a friend's pool around the age of six. But I also exclusively took baths as a child, because water pouring onto my head from a shower utterly freaked me out. And I refused to jump into water or slide down a water slide - anything where my head would be underwater and I had no choice in the matter. In fact, even during mandatory high school swimming classes I practically had to meditate before my water entry tests. Thanks, Mrs. Mack!
Posted by: B | June 7, 2006 9:02 AM
The pool I learned to swim in had green water. It wasn't really a modern, functioning pool. I think it was probably built right after the war (ww2, that is). Just a deep, concrete pit filled with water. It was really cold because it was mostly deep end and the deep end was 12 or 14 feet deep, which is deep. You don't see small city pools with 14 foot deep-ends. You couldn't really see the bottom it was so green. Our lessons happened exclusively in the about 6 feet of shallow end.
They rebuilt it when I was 9 or 10 or so and the contrast was such that I felt lucky to have survived the previous pool. Hanging onto my mother's back while she went into the deep end... it was like staring into an abyss that knew your name. Before they rebuilt it they closed it for a few years, I think maybe cuz some kid drowned.
Somewhat unrelated, good pool memory- my brother and his freinds would pick me up and throw me at people. We'd all be in the pool, they'd swing me back and forth and then launch me at some unsuspecting person. I'd land on them and, what're they going to do? Hit a little kid? Good times.
Posted by: Tim | June 7, 2006 9:45 AM
I learned to swim by repeatedly wandering off the edge of the pool deck into the pool and sinking calmly like a stone at about 2 years old. Drawn like a moth to a flame. I didn't seem daunted by the fact they had to keep jumping in to fish me up from the bottom of the pool. I guess they figured that unless they wanted me to drown, I should learn how to avoid the sinking part...By the age of 5 I was on a swim team, and I swam competitively until retiring at about 20. And I still feel more comfortable under water than anywhere else. I think a person's relationship with water is partially just part of their nature. That said, everyone should learn to become at ease in the water. Best to start early and playfully.
Posted by: M | June 7, 2006 12:21 PM
I actually had a mother at the local Y refuse to speak to me or sit near me because she felt my then-four year old son was holding back a beginner swim class (at least I think that's why!). Her son was pretty proficient and seemed a bit older (and in, in my mind, would have done well in a more advanced class). My little guy, however was terrified to put his face in the water and, in fairness, was probably taking up more of the instructor's time than was his due.
We did everything we could to help him, though, including pay for private lessons and he did improve but, apparently, too late for this mom. I was enormously pregnant at the time, and if I would plop myself down on the parents' bench to watch the class, she would get up and move away - even if there were no other seats!
I'm happy to say that my son is now 8 and swims happily. And I have not been spurned since by another swim-mom.
Posted by: laurie | June 7, 2006 2:13 PM
This sounds like my oldest daughter's first lessons. The moms sat around and compared one another's children. It was as though swimming proficiency at age three equalled early admission to Harvard. Everyone hated the mom whose child was the best swimmer. That kid is probably a Navy SEAL by now.
There was one child who never actually went above his knees in the pool. "Kevin" spent all of his time trying to escape through the padlocked gate. His mother would shout "Get your heinie back in that pool, boy!" Good times.
These lessons were so hideous that I abandoned them for child #2. Amusingly, she had far fewer "issues' with swimming than did the older one. Go figure.
Posted by: Kate | June 8, 2006 4:08 AM
I took lessons in the 80s at a local Y and they had the funniest technique to fool us into swimming. We wore a little "bubble" on our back that was deflated a little bit each week. At the end of the lessons, the instructor wouldn't let us wear the bubbles and we all freaked out then realized that we really could swim now. Good times...
Posted by: Bonnie | June 8, 2006 7:06 PM
We took swim lessons with our first son about a year and a half ago. We spun, we sang "Wheels," etc. The highlight, however, was probably the night someone's swim diaper failed miserably and the Y pool had to be drained. My husband, the Jewish half of our partnership, repeated for months that this probably would have NEVER happend had we taken the class at the JCC. Our second son is almost 9 months old and has only been submerged in the bath tub. His initiation will be Lake Michigan this summer. I don't want to sing kids' songs with other adults ever again, especially while we're all wearing lycra.
Posted by: Heidi | June 8, 2006 8:16 PM
I am 26 years old, last summer i decided to learn swimming , because it was always my wish to learn to swim, i was feeling asham i cant swim , anyway i beginn to lear the basic, but i was in group, and the instructor wasnt very helpful for me, i was afraid from water, and i needed to have more attention but i didnt got it , so i quite , and now iwant learn again. do u think it is impossible, iam now 26??
Posted by: Nora | June 14, 2006 12:34 AM
"Nora," nothing is impossible if you have faith in yourself. Find yourself a better instructor and a comfortable learning environment, and soon enough, you'll find that you embrace and enjoy swimming, no matter your age! Remember, as the turtle said to the uncircumcised man, "I admire your sweater."
Warm regards,
Abby
Posted by: Abigail van Buren | June 14, 2006 11:07 PM
I am currently trying to sign my kids up for swimming lessons at the city pool. This is how today's conversation went:
Me: Can I sign up for swim lessons?
Them: Sure. We are just not sure we're doing swim lessons here at this pool though.
Me: When will you know if you're having swim lessons here?
Them: When we have enough people signed up.
Me: So then I would like to sign up for swim lessons.
Them: Sure. Yeah, ok, but - we are just not sure we're doing swim lessons here at this pool though.
Me: Do I really care to trust my precious children to these people? [No, I did not say that out loud. I have SOME manners.]
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Posted by: James | June 23, 2006 7:14 AM
My younger son is 2. My husband is 25 and an expert swimmer according the Marine Corps. I am a mediocre swimmer according to the Marine Corps and everyone else (I am able to keep my head above water...mostly). My son thinks he's a fish and will jump in the water, trusting that someone will notice he's under water! I think we'll have little trouble teaching him to swim before next summer!
Jenna
Posted by: Jenna | June 23, 2006 7:31 AM
My younger son is 2. My husband is 25 and an expert swimmer according the Marine Corps. I am a mediocre swimmer according to the Marine Corps and everyone else (I am able to keep my head above water...mostly). My son thinks he's a fish and will jump in the water, trusting that someone will notice he's under water! I think we'll have little trouble teaching him to swim before next summer!
Jenna
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