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June 5, 2006

Pallbearer

My old high-school buddy Jason Franz called first thing Friday morning to let me know that he had somehow wheedled two free seats in the power company's luxury box for Game Six of the Western Conference Finals. At 9 AM on Saturday, I powered up the 1998 Nissan and hurtled myself across the desert, to sleep on an air mattress in what used to be my bedroom but now serves as my father's office and computer solitaire chamber. Of course I had to go. This was, by far, the highest-end sporting event I would ever attend. Plus, it was free. Double plus, the beer was free.

We all know by now that paradise was postponed another year. The great Suns hope machine ran out of lubricant. Tim Thomas couldn't share and Steve Nash couldn't stop sharing. We fell two or three components short of a title. And though I left the arena saddened, as well as annoyed at having to hang around all those puffy-faced Arizonans with whom I have little in common but team loyalty, I also felt oddly satisfied. Only once before has a team under my intense watch achieved so much with so little hope. That was the 1988 Dodgers, and we all know how that turned out. Being a Suns fan is the basketball version of being a pre-2004 Red Sox fan, without the attendant publicity because 97 percent of Arizona citizens are either functionally illiterate or white-collar criminals.

I have little more to say, except that, in a fit of depression, I bought a 20-ounce Icee in Redlands with only about an hour left in my drive home, and that I had a sugar-low headache from about 5 PM yesterday until I went to bed. Still, humor me as I pretend that a terrible nutritional choice was actually a sports-fan letdown.

Goodbye for now, my Suns. Hide away in your McMansions for the summer, drive your Bentleys around the desert, and assume your pretend-underdog status anew in the fall. I will miss you.

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