You're Next, Dirk!
I have so much to discuss with both of you, including Elijah's bizarre weekend turn as a ring-bearer at a friend's wedding, Elijah's first swim lesson, and my whiny yuppie complaints at having yet again moved my family into a neighborhood where people drag-race down the street on Saturday afternoon. But first things first.
The Suns are going to the Western Conference Finals. Again. I didn't write about the Clippers series while it was going on because, well, it took three-plus weeks to complete and I'm just not that kind of blogger. Also, the series gave me no anxiety at all. The Clips were a worthy opponent, and there was something very funny about the "Mongo discovers fire" look on Chris Kaman's face every time he scored, but I had few doubts that the Suns would win, and that includes when they were behind by three in overtime with 1.7 seconds left in game five. As I've said before, this team appears touched by destiny. I will amend that destiny. It's to lose to the Pistons in the NBA Finals. You heard it here first, because you won't hear it on ESPN.com. The Suns are going to beat the Mavericks.
Really, I was looking forward to a San Antonio series. The Spurs are so damn smug. Also, I very badly want to make Eva Longoria cry, and this would have been my only chance, albeit by multimillion-dollar coprorate entertainment proxy. I won't get as much satisfaction out of beating Dallas, a team that, despite its marshmallow-voiced coach, Michael Clarke Duncan-like center, and lanky Black Forest wunderkind superstar, doesn't exactly emanate evil. Jason Terry is a cool customer, and so is Josh Howard, though Howard is so physically unattractive that he makes Sam Cassell look like Denzel Washington. And while I find Mark Cuban kind of annoying. I would probably act the same way if I were a billionaire and owned a basketball team. He's certainly better than the Suns' control-freak orange-finger-waving douchebag of an owner, and he beats the Clippers' Donald Sterling, who you could just see counting his money at halftime tonight. Try to look a little upset there, Donald.
Prediction: The next time Steve Nash gets interviewed before going into the locker room at halftime, he will praise his teammates, and then he will say something self-deprecating. In general, he will sound like the interviewer caught him heading to the corner store for a bag of pretzels.
Second Prediciton: Suns in seven. Based on the events of the last month, that seems like a pretty good bet.
Comments
Surely by now all of America is pulling for the Suns. What other team could turn Tim Thomas into a player you can actually root for?
One comment and one question:
1) You go too easy on Cuban. He was fun for a while, but now he's just a pain in the ass. I'm really starting to hate that guy. Make him your villain for purposes of this series.
2) What's all this about the "Suns' control-freak orange-finger-waving douchebag of an owner?" Please elaborate for us non-local Suns fans. Not disagreeing, just wondering.
Posted by: Charles | May 23, 2006 6:47 AM
Maybe Donald Sterling was smiling because he's going to meet up a "$500 a trick freak" after.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0812041sterling1.html
Hilarious details, turns out he's a cheapskate about everything.
Posted by: Ted | May 23, 2006 1:47 PM
Not only will the Mavs triumph, but immediately after doing so, they will hold Steve Nash down at center court and stuff his mouth with sauerkraut. It's German tradition, apparently.
Posted by: Cody | May 23, 2006 7:17 PM
I'd like to retract my comments earlier, suggesting that Tim Thomas had become "a player you could actually root for." Send him back to the Knicks where he belongs.
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