Have A Lice Day
We received a notice in Elijah's inbox the other day. About four of these arrive a week, usually telling us to send him to school in "traditional Mexican clothing" (as though we have that laying around) for Cinco de Mayo, or to give money to one of the three fundraisers the school holds a week. This one, however, informed us that there had been an outbreak of head lice on campus.
"Look at this," Regina said, when she brought Elijah home from school.
"Oh, that's just fucking great," I said.
The flier read, "Please help us by checking your children's head/hair regularly, and as per our school policy in our parent handbook..."
"Did we ever get a parent handbook?" Regina asked.
"I don't think so."
The next day, we received a seven-page photocopied handout, that, among other things, encouraged us to buy something called a LiceMeister comb. This rhyme was on the front page:
Share a toy, share a slide,
Share the feelings deep inside,
But never share a hat or comb
Or lice could make your head your home.
Good grief. This lame piece of low-level propagandistic fear-mongering reminded me of something I used to hear when I was a kid in Phoenix, about a different health danger. It went:
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom
Wash your hands after changing baby too
'Cause you don't want to catch hepatitis
And we don't want hepatitis to catch you
WHO?
YOU!
Elijah has not yet contracted the evil head parasite. But if he does succumb, there goes my work week. Imagine this: Sorry I had to miss that deadlne. I'm busy at home. My son has lice. LICE!
I've got a feeling deep inside, but you don't want me to share right now.
Comments
You obviously don't want E. to be a rock star. I mean, how many pages of your rock 'n roll novel were devoted to lice? Fewer than were devoted to vomit, but probably in the same ballpark. I'm just freaked out that there are lice in L.A. I always thought they were more of a Deep South and San Francisco sort of thing. Who knew?
Posted by: Iggy | May 19, 2006 7:14 AM
Yeah, Iggy, I always thought the LA personal vermin thing was crabs.
Posted by: Dick Durata | May 20, 2006 1:16 AM
there's a great song by Alan Sparhawk of Low called "be nice to people with lice" about a kid who gets a note from school telling him he has lice. here it is, I think:
http://www.last.fm/music/Alan+Sparhawk/_/Be+Nice+To+People+With+Lice
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