Attack Of The Cootie Angels
Elijah's school threw a seder lunch for the students today. Before that, there was a little play in the kindergarten room, to which parents were invited. Regina pointed out, with perfect accuracy, that I'm the Jew in the family, so she sent me.
The morning began with the appearance of the kindergarten teacher, who was wearing a red headdress. He was followed by various students, who wore various colored headdresses based on their roles in the play. What followed was a loose retelling of the Passover story. Actually, what followed was the teacher running around whispering to kids, none of whom could remember their lines. At at an early part of the play, when the parents were still sort of paying attention, he said, "and then Pharoah put all the Jews into slavery. Now, is slavery good?"
"Nooooo," everyone responded.
"I'm glad to know this school's stance on slavery," I said to a mom sitting next to me.
The story of Passover proceeded. Elijah didn't really seem interested. At one point, he flopped down in my arms and pretended to fall asleep, which his teachers found hilarious. "Everyone's a critic," I said. He perked up a little bit soon after, saying,
"Juice? What kind of juice are they drinking?"
"No, Elijah, not juice," I said. "Jews."
"Are they orange Jews? Grape Jews? Pineapple Jews?"
At this point, his teachers were just encouraging him, so I said, "I'm sorry, this is my fault."
Then the kindergarten teacher said,
"God sent his cootie angels down to earth, so they could give cooties to the Egyptians."
Cootie angels? That was definitely the most interesting interpretation of the Haggadah I'd ever heard. I said to Elijah's teachers,
"Do you guys teach the kids about cooties?"
Elijah's head teacher, Judith, is a woman of great humor who finds it amusing to dress her boy students in pretty frocks. She said, "I guess we'll have to now."
Comments
"Cootie Angels" makes as much sense as anything else in the Bible.
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Forget Cootie Angels. Have you been touched by His Noodly Appendage? He created a mountain, trees, and a midget. So just ask yourself, what would the Flying Spaghetti Monster do? Slavery is bad, but piracy is good.
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