Funny Bunny Ascendant
Our secular Easter yielded an important behavior-training tool. We gave Ellijah a Godiva chocolate bunny in his basket. As I write this, it's the Thursday after Easter, and he's barely gotten through the ears. This is because everytime he misbehaves, we deny him bunny privileges. When he hurts the animals, no bunny. When he throws a tantrum because we're talking to each other instead of him, no bunny. When he dumps the recycling all over the kitchen floor for no reason, the bunny gets denied. The threat of no bunny persuades him to let us get him dressed. I wish it were Easter every Sunday. But that would probably confuse the Christians. Our Lord has risen....again! Hah! Suckers.
Perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not, Hot Man has a new enemy this week. His name is Funny Bunny, and he is deadly. We learned about him this way. Elijah came home from school one day, repeating the name of Funny Bunny over and over again. He seemed half-amused, half-traumatized.
"FUNNY BUNNY! FUNNY BUNNY! FUNNY BUNNY!"
"Who is Funny Bunny?" I said.
"He fights Hot Man."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. He shoots goo out of his bunny ears."
"That's terrible."
"He stole the power from Goo Man."
"Poor Goo Man."
"Goo Man died. Funny Bunny killed Goo Man."
"No! Hot Man must stop Funny Bunny!"
"He will!"
And then Elijah began to sing the Hot Man theme song. It was the first time I'd heard it, but certainly not the last.
Hot Man to the rescue
Because he's on a mission
He fights Funny Bunny a lot
Because he's really hot!
Elijah just instinctively gets comic books. Hot Man now has a motivation. He's driven to revenge by the murder of his best friend, Goo Man. Someone get me a meeting at The Cartoon Network, pronto.
Postcript: Hot Man now likes to pick out his own clothes. This morning, even though it was already 75 degrees out at 8 AM, he chose to wear a long-sleeved shirt because there were spiders on it, navy blue shorts, and his blue crocs with light-blue socks.
"He looks like a retarded Danish boy," Regina said.
I replied that it was the perfect secret-identity disguise.
"Hot Man!" Elijah said. "To the rescue!"
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