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April 11, 2006

Apocalypse 101

Conversation in the car yesterday on the way home from school:

"Sigh."

"Why are you sighing, daddy?"

"It's the Bush Man. He's evil and he's trying to destroy the world."

"Can anyone fight him?"

"I don't know."

"Hot Man can fight him."

"I wish that were true."

"Hot Man can fight Bush Man and Doctor Octopus and The Rhino."

"OK."

"Why is Bush Man trying to hurt people?"

"Because he's crazy."

"He's only trying to hurt grownups. Not kids."

"Well, to be fair, he doesn't really think he's going to hurt people. Especially kids. But because he's crazy, he's going to hurt everyone."

"I will put hot things all over him and then the giant birds will come and eat him."

"That would be much appreciated, son."

What was I supposed to tell him? That the United States is going to test 700 tons of "bunker-buster" bombs in the Nevada Desert on June 2? It's not like he would understand what that means. I doubt that protests by the Shoshone tribe are going to stop the operation, which bears the Strangelovian name "Divine Strake." I don't know what a strake is, but I do know that this President considers himself the instrument of God's will on Earth. Judging from the rhetoric coming from the White House, and from Iran's outward taunting of us, I would have to conclude that a catastrophic nuclear war is imminent. This is really happening. I'm terrified, and worst of all, I feel terrible for my son. He didn't ask to be brought to life at the end of civilization. I'm sure all of you parents (and non) feel the same way. We cannot allow our mad President to launch a nuclear weapon. Who is going to stop this from happening?

"What kind of a world are we leaving for our children?" may be a cliche. This time, though, it's a cliche worth asking. Now I will leave you all to enjoy Humanity's Darkest Hour.

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Comments

I have every confidence that Christopher Walken will perform the necessary act at the necessary time. Everyone knows, or else should know, that he is actually an alien robot sent from the future to stop the imminent nuclear conflagration. "More cowbell!" is the rallying cry of our alien benefactors.

I also like your son's solution. It would be quite excellent if he were to cover Bush with "hot things" that would induce the giant birds to devour him. That sounds appropriately Biblical and prophetic. I'll be sure to leave the door open for Hot Man.

Of course it is a frightening time to raise a child. At the same time, I think back to the early 80s and my own incessant fears of nuclear attack from the USSR. (Threads. The Morning After. Red Dawn. Need I say more?) Those must have been pretty scary times for our parents. What did Frost say? Every generation likes to imagine that it's going down before the most terrifying forces ever mobilized by God, or something to that effect?

Hot Man and Goo Man very well may be the quintessential embodiment of our hopes for a brighter non-nuclear tomorrow for ourselves and our offspring. I hope your next book is a graphic novel about their heroic adventures.

FWIW, I'm scared too. I have an almost four year old boy and the mildly thrilling fear of nuclear apocalypse I felt in the 80s seems quaint compared to the frequently gut-wrenching despair engendered by our current roller coaster ride to hell in a handbasket. It's not just me anymore and that makes the fear immeasurably worse. If the complete neo-conservative monkey-wrenching of the middle east doesn't do us in then (and, as of this week, this looks like the bright-side scenario) global warming will do us in just a little bit further down the road.

I know this is old fart territory - to think that it's all worse than it's ever been. But the outlook sure does seem pretty gloomy.

The article at this site http://blogs.washingtonpost.com/earlywarning/2006/04/divine_guidance.html
provides a definition of the biblical-sounding "strake":[a strake in aerodynamics is an object mounted on the fuselage of an airplane to improve airflow} as well as good background information.

Douglas

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