The Elijah Pollack Invasion

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March 7, 2006

I took Elijah to school this morning. When we arrived, his little friend Ariel's mother was loading her extra baby into the car seat. It's become apparent to me that Ariel is soon going to figure prominently in this storyline. She and Elijah obviously have some destiny together. Her mother must feel it as well, because she said to me,

"Ariel's in there waiting for Elijah."

"Ariel said she wants to be in a band with me," Elijah said.

"Really?" I said.

The mom confirmed, "She wants to record an album with Elijah. I think she wants to redo a Hard Day's Night."

This was the first I'd heard of this, but I was thrilled. In my mind, I imagined Ariel and Elijah as a three-year-old John Doe and Exene, committed to youthful good times and serious rock-n-roll. We have to find them a Billy Zoom, admittedly, but the core has been established. However, Ariel's mom, if she was gonna be a rock-n-roll show parent, has to ditch the Beatles fixation. I presented her with another option.

"Elijah and I were listening to my rock album in the car," I said.

"You were playing a record for him?"

"No, the album from my band. I used to be in a band. Called The Neal Pollack Invasion."

"I haven't heard of you."

"No one has. We put out an album but most of the copies are being held prisoner in a warehouse in Lawrence, Kansas because our record label went bankrupt.

"Oh."

I neglected to mention that you can download the album, Never Mind The Pollacks, for $4.99 at the itunes music store.

Anyway, Elijah and I had been listening to the album in the car because I have a Neal Pollack Invasion show in Austin this weekend. I have to listen a few times this week, because I've more or less forgotten the lyrics. Actually, I only played "Do The Ostrich" for him, from a live recording we did in Washington, D.C. That's the cleanest of the songs. And I turned off the album before I told a heckler "I'll fuck you if you want, but I'm warning you that I'm going to have to take a piss in the middle."

That would be inappropriate for a child to hear.

When we got to his classroom, Ariel was dabbing paint onto a poster-sized drawing of King Ahasuerus. The Purim season has begun. Rock-n-roll can wait. Then again, Esther and Haman wouldn't be a bad name for the band. Kind of like Belle and Sebastian, but Jewish and probably a little harder-core.
We shall see.

When I got home, I told Regina that the Purim Carnival was coming and that Elijah would have to wear a costume.

"You know what he's gonna want to be, don't you?" she said.

"What?" I said.

"Spiderman."

"Regina, you have to dress like one of the Purim characters. I don't think Spiderman is part of the Purim story. Though it would be kind of cool if he was."

"I didn't know," she replied. "I thought it was like Halloween."

Sometimes I feel like Darrin Stevens, except that my wife is a Protestant instead of a witch.

Now for the advertisement. The Neal Pollack Invasion will perform Friday, March 10, from 5:30 to 7:30 at the Velvet Spade in Austin, Texas. It's for a party thrown by Post Road Magazine, which will be in town for the Associated Writing Programs conference. The party, says Post Road, will celebrate the launch of its latest issue, as well as the inclusion of "The Smile on Happy Chang's Face" by Tom Perrotta from Post Road 8 in the Best American Short Stories 2005, edited by Michael Chabon. And how better to celebrate that accomplishment than by inviting me to play?

I thank Post Road for its brave choice. The complete show will go as such: I will read from Alternadad for a little while. Then the Invasion will play a complete set, including my new song, "I Fucked Raymond Carver." Then I will wander around cadging drinks off people. See you there.

Posted by at 11:04 AM | Permalink

Comments

Hello from Lawrence, KS. (Seriously. You can look at my blog link to verify.)

Anyhoo: Which warehouse? Cause I'm totally going to break in and steal a copy.

Posted by: Joel Mathis | March 7, 2006 12:12 PM

Haman should totally be included in the next Marvel vs. Capcom game. Wolverine and Spidey against Venom and Haman might change my world perspective.

Posted by: Tom Ziller | March 8, 2006 2:35 PM

When are you next coming to SF?

Forgive me if you were just here, and I missed you -- I`ve only just gotten organized enough after moving here to focus on something outside of my immediate surroundings. (You might recall, I emailed you last year before we moved here, when we were living in Tokyo, when your parenting article came out in Salon and all those fuckers pilloried you.)

Posted by: L. | March 9, 2006 10:42 AM

Yeah, when is the Invasion (either one) coming to SF?

Posted by: Morty Okin | March 10, 2006 3:40 PM

While watching the show i thought to my drunk self, "Self, look at Neal up there... if he can do it so can you; write that book, record that album."
So after the set, and before i went bought $1 import singles at Waterloo i went up to Neal and said,
"You give me hope."
...and Neal said one of these things:
A. "Oh, Please..."
B. "That's pretty bad..."
C. "You are drunk, but somehow a Catholic mirror into my soul."
...
I was drunk and I've pretty much garbled all those responses into my head... but none the less...
...
You give me hope Neal Pollack

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