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March 2, 2006

I picked Elijah up at school yesterday. His friend Ariel, an adorable, shambling little girl who always seems to be wearing tights that don't quite match her jumper, was in the wooden toy phone booth that's conveniently located between the restrooms. Her mother stood by, looking exhausted as always, with newish baby hanging from a sling draped over her chest. Elijah and I went to get his lunchbox and jacket. Ariel was still in the booth. We chased his friends around the yard for a bit. Still, she was in the booth, chatting merrily. It's quite apparent to me that this girl is going to be a lifelong weirdo, in the best possible way.

"Are you done yet?" said her mother.

"I am not done!" Ariel said.

"Who's she talking to?" I asked.

The mother rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Ringo Starr," she said.

I felt instantly trumped. When Elijah pretends to talk on the phone, it's to his grandma and opa, or his cousin Alli. When we got in the car, I said, "Elijah, we have to call John Cleese when we get home."

He likes John Cleese.

"OK," he said. "Ariel was talking to Ringo Starr."

Well, I thought, we may be raising our children in a country with a "government" that has been utterly seized by the operatives of a shadowy multinational corporation whose only concern is the pursuit of maximum profit, regardless of the loss of human life. But at least our kids will have an interesting reference base. Along those lines, Regina and I are constantly telling Elijah that there is an evil man named George W. Bush who is trying to destroy the world. Elijah now considers "Bush Man" to be a villain, an enemy of Spider-Man's who rivals Dr. Octopus, The Green Goblin, and The Rhino.

"Bush Man must be defeated!" I say.

"Spider-Man can beat him!" Elijah says.

Oh, Spider-Man. Where are you?

Speaking of superheroes, I'm going to Phoenix this weekend for a trip that will include the Suns-Magic game tomorrow night. Shawn Marion is putting up Bill Russell-type numbers. Angered by All-Star Break trade rumors , The Matrix is on an insane rampage, seeking justice like a mid-career Bruce Wayne. He's proving himself the equal of, if not the superior of, Tim Duncan and Kevin Garnett. Teams are afraid, very afraid of the Suns right now, even though the team has only eight healthy players and its GM just decamped to Toronto.

Now, Toronto a great town for film festivals. In fact, it's one of my favorite cities, while Phoenix is one of my least favorites. But we must see this situation through different eyes. As far as the NBA goes, Toronto is not a desirable destination. Would a newly-minted millionaire want to spend December in a city full of excellent strip clubs, spectacular weather, and golf courses as far as the eyes can see, or in the part of the world that spawned Bob and Doug McKenzie? Godspeed, Bryan Colangelo!

Amare will soon return. Together, he, The Matrix and Steve Nash (who does not need a nickname), will defeat Bush Man. Or at least the Spurs.

Posted by at 9:58 AM | Permalink

Comments

"Elijah now considers "Bush Man" to be a villain, an enemy of Spider-Man's who rivals Dr. Octopus, The Green Goblin, and The Rhino."

Bush Man might actually be a problem for Spidey. Consider Spidey gets along with Doc Oc when they're not out to kill each other, and the Green Goblin, while out for profit and revenge, is merely a bad combination of too much technology and a boyish exuberance to get one over on the schoolyard bullies.

Bush is just supernaturally stupid, and that might require all the X Men, The Hulk, and maybe a seriously undermedicated Bruce Wayne on the three-day bender with matching hangover to defeat.

Yeah. I'd like to see that. Batman kicking Bush's ass.

Cheney we can just lure near a microwave. One Chimichanga, and it's all over for America's most inept rifleman.

Posted by: Jim Winter | March 2, 2006 11:13 AM

Are you still trying to sort of what works and doesn't work with this voice?

Posted by: Sabra | March 2, 2006 12:49 PM

I bet the girl in the phone booth is potty trained.

Posted by: blah | March 2, 2006 2:16 PM

I know not why, but I haven't laughed so hard in what feels like years. Even in the presence of far funnier previous entries.
P.S. I once was Ariel. If something isn't done now, the girl is doomed.

Posted by: Jennie | March 3, 2006 4:26 AM

The Matrix is on fire--no one playing better right now. About time he is starting to get some pub. Amare's return is somewhat in doubt per rumors.....

I cannot think of anything cooler for Elijah's room than this:
http://www.fathead.com/fatheadsweb/productlist.aspx?categoryteamid=47&productID=20069&league=nba

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You might be interested to know that one of your posts was plagiarized. Someone tipped me off that it happened to me, so I've "outed" the guy who was doing it, if you're interested. It may not matter much since this guy's blog is not widely read, but it's just the principle that really irks me.

http://thepopeye.blogspot.com

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