Meet The Grups
On the one hand, I recognize that it can only be good for my book to have it identified by New York Magazine as a key document of a genuine sociological phenomenon. On the other hand, I sound like a lunatic nimrod in the article. Perhaps I was drunk when Adam Sternbergh interviewed me. Or high, which is sometimes a possibility. Regardless, people are going to read the piece and think that I'm a guy who sits around telling his kid that the TV shows he watches "suck."
To clarify: Most of the time, I just keep my mouth shut and let Elijah watch what he wants, without comment. Occasionally, though, the programming czars will attempt to shove something down our collective gullets that simply insults, and I rebel. For instance, I hate "Little Einsteins," a pretentious, sickly-sweet concoction where four annoying wide-eyed children fly around the world in a magic rocket, solving "missions" and ruining the greatest hits of Western classical music by adding off-key, insipid lyrics to them. One day, I told Elijah that I didn't like the show. He asked me why, and I said, "because the music isn't as good as it should be, and I don't think that TV shows need to tell you to use your imagination, especially when, in your case, you have a great imagination." "Oh," he said, and went back to watching.
Gradually, he lost interest in Little Einsteins, because it sucks, but hasn't lost interest in other shows that annoy me. I see how much he loves Go, Diego, Go!, and I wouldn't dream of insulting that hideous show in front of him. All I can do is expose him to a variety of options, and hope some of the better ones stick. Also, my wife would like me to add that she doesn't share my philosophy of telling kids that their TV shows suck, and never has. That's my own mishugas.
To me, the main tenets of "alternaparenting" are as follows: General skepticism (but not total rejection) of mainstream corporate parenting culture, encouraging creativity and imagination above all else, and, like the New York article hammers home, an unwillingness of the parents to completely put their own youth behind them. But it doesn't neglect the basics, either. Any decent parent of any aesthetic needs to provide their kids with food, clothing, shelter, discipline, and love. It's just that this generation of parents has added "sharing your DVD collection" to that list of essentials. I have trouble seeing how that's a bad thing.
A couple of other points, related to the article: I don't own a pair of jeans that cost more than $30. And I really do reject this idea that our kids are going to "become Republicans." First of all, that statement reduces politics to its most basic, stupidest terminology. My dad is a politically conservative Vietnam veteran, and I'm an almost stereotypical urban liberal. He and I have many differences, and we've done much arguing over the years, but those differences have very little to do with superficial aesthetics and fleeting cultural tastes. We're still both hairy Jewish men who work at home in our underwear, and we're also both committed to taking care of our families above everything else. My son can be whatever he wants, as long as he keeps to that very basic moral value and as long as he's nice to his mother.
So anyway, in the end, I'm proud to be part of this generation of parents, even if I'm already well on my way to being canonized as that generation's most clueless idiot. I don't know why I ever thought I'd be considered anything else.
Comments
I'm reminded of the Simpsons episode where they showed Ned Flanders' parents as crazy beatniks.
Wait, isn't it a terribly Gen-X thing to say "I'm reminded of the Simpsons episode where.."
Hurray for our generation. Fifteen years ago we were slackers who couldn't get more than McJobs forever. Then eight years ago we were all over ambitious dotcom workaholics trying to get fuck-you money and snorting coke at launch parties. Now we're all slightly pathetic hipster parents pushing forty and still keeping the messenger bags and emo glasses with receding hairlines and paunches, while toting babies in designer harnesses! I wonder at the age of the author of this piece.
Keep it up; you are doing good work, despite this author's best efforts to paint you as a Selfish Williamsburg Hipster Poisoning His Children. I am far too gay and too much of a kid myself to have kids but I enjoy reading your blog.
Posted by: Gary | March 27, 2006 8:12 PM
Neal -
But this is spot on: "The worst nightmare for a quote-unquote alternadad," he says, "is that he’ll grow up to be something he doesn’t want to be."
Now, I'm somewhere in the middle of least hip person I know (I wore Izod and Polo shirts to Husker Du and Replacement shows at 7th Street Entry), but one thing I'm damned to see happen is that my daughter has a sense of responsibility and independence. Not such a bad thing, no?
OTOH, posing her last fall, at 13 months, in front of CBGB with her middle finger flying made the homeless guys laugh their ass off & my wife embarrassed as hell--will I regret this photo? Or will it be a reference point for future discussions with my daughter that:
1) Irony has its limits
2) Even so, it has its place
3) It's up to her to make the legacy of that snapshot mean something.
With the long tail of culture omnipresent, no guarantees for anything, and the prospect of having to get through this life for another sixty years, I say: Why the fuck not mix it up a little?
Posted by: joel turnipseed | March 27, 2006 9:27 PM
"I have trouble seeing how that's a bad thing."
Isn't an unwillingness to relinquish the tokens of one's youth traditionally a bad thing, because of the vanity and selfishness it signifies?
Posted by: Rasselas | March 28, 2006 5:53 AM
I am old enough to be YOUR parent, and I like the way you've turned out! Thanks for the link to the New York Magazine piece; I'm reading it serially.
Like Gary, I like your blog, though I don't have kids either (of any age).
Posted by: Debster | March 28, 2006 8:04 AM
Strange article. And yeah, pretty unflattering. Not from your quotes, though, it was just kind of a lousy piece. It tried to describe a supposed broad phenomenon by profiling seemingly nobody but really wealthy freelancers. Doesn't the guy know you can't get insurance?
Posted by: Tim | March 28, 2006 10:42 AM
Fugazi was right: you are not what you own. Was that article about anything other than the author's attempt to seem legit and cool? Anyway, I share the skepticism of corporations. Kids are taught to be consumers and have no time or room to be kids. They're wrapped up in corporate brands and corporate entertainment product from birth. I think of Neil Postman's Disappearance of Childhood. We don't let kids have a childhood. They're either being bombarded with education or entertainment all the time from such an early age. Too much competition among parents. Anyway, don't tell your kid that certain TV shows are uninspired: tell him TV sucks in general. Let him use his imagination.
Posted by: J. Minneli | March 28, 2006 3:51 PM
I think Gary hit the nail on the head when he said that this yet another in a series of tags that people have attempted to hang on our generation.
While I admit that I do find parts of the article amusing, I thought Sternberg made some pretty sweeping generalizations and took far too long to get to his point.
Damn - a picture of a two-year old flipping the bird outside of CBGBs. Why didn't I think of that?
Posted by: Amy | April 2, 2006 2:40 PM
I wrote something about our generation of parents for Salon.com a while back. Can't seem to paste a link, but it was called "Navel Gazing Their Way Through Parenthood," if you wanted to search it...
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