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The Neal Pollack Anthology Of American Literature

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February 17, 2006

This morning, Slate.com published an important article,, by me, on why Winter Olympic-themed video-games suck. This seminal piece of cultural criticism will shortly launch me into our country's intellectual vanguard. Along those lines, Regina bought Ultimate Spiderman for our XBox. It was on sale at Costco. She wanted to show Elijah how to play the game, but I had to explain to her who Venom was.

"He's like this in an evil Spiderman suit made by science, but he's also an alien symbiote," I said.

Regina is such a sci-fi dork (she watches Stargate SG-1 and thinks that Surface is awesome) that I didn't have to explain myself further.

"That's cool," she said.

"He bites people and he has tentacles."

"Oh."

"Elijah shouldn't see an evil lizard man rip off someone's head until he's at least 6."

"I totally agree."

Anyway, Gina and I hoping to carve out some time to play Ultimate Spiderman this weekend. I have waited a long time to confront my old nemesis, The Shocker. If we can get Elijah down by eight, we'll have three good hours before bed.

So what was I talking about? Oh, yes. My 50-book challenge. I continue to read at a moderate pace this year, probably because I spend too much time watching basketball on TV and playing video games, but I do consume enough words to keep from starving my brain. Of late, I've knocked off Home Land, by Sam Lipsyte, a novel of suburban alienation which was all the rage among the cognoscenti last season. I've got to say, the guy can write; his prose is very advanced, along the lines of, say, pretty good Nabokov. Not many people now can write that way, or, for that matter, collect butterflies, a reference I'm dropping for the true Nabokov scholars in the crowd. Overall, I found the book a little disappointing, but maybe that's inevitable given all the pretentious hype. That said, there are a couple of passages in Home Land that capture--with full moral clarity--the feeling of existential despair that will ultimately, like Galactus, devour us all. I have no idea what the fuck that previous sentence means, but I'm keeping it anyway.

Number 5 this year is an excellent book called Unspeak, by a British journalist named Steven Poole. It's a savagely argued study of how governments use sophisticated euphemisms to control the populace. When "creationism" can be renamed "intelligent design," where "torture" become "abuse," and "propaganda" itself is now "public diplomacy," well, then, son, you're in the grip of petty fascism. Poole makes a pretty persuasive argument that we're living in a modified 1984, and it's hard to argue with him. I mean, things are a little more chaotic and there's more tittie, but Orwell couldn't predict the future with 100 percent accuracy. No one can, except for Sydney Omarr. We're living a version of that story nonetheless. The TV screens may be a bit smaller, but not much.

Book 6 is going to take a while. Mark Bowden has a 625-page monster, Guests Of The Ayatollah, about the Iran hostage crisis coming out. It's going to be an enormous bestseller, because it's gripping and smoothly narrated. I feel a little guilty about finding some of the hostages annoying, but maybe that's a testament to Bowden's skills. The book, I hope, will start some debate. This is probably a pretty good time for a comprehensive history of our relationship with Iran. We'd best understand that country as much as possible, because all signs point to the fact that, immediately upon the next terror attack on American soil, Vice-President Cheney plans to nuke its capital city. If that happens--and with this "government", anything is possible--it will be the darkest day in the history of the world. The alien symbiote is upon us. Happy weekend, everyone!

Posted by at 3:33 PM | Permalink

Comments

I felt exactly the same way about Home Land. Funny but disappointing and overhyped. I think I would have liked it more if I hadn't heard about how it was God's gift to comedic and satiric writing.

More Nabokov trivia: he actually was such a competent lepidopterist that there is a species of butterfly named after him.

Posted by: Jessica | February 17, 2006 4:51 PM

Kenneth Pollack (no relation?) wrote an excellent scholarly study of the U.S. relationship with Iran a year or two back called The Persian Puzzle, that I would have to imagine is both more difinitive and boring (not having had the pleasure of the Bowden, yet).

Posted by: Dan | February 17, 2006 5:29 PM

The unincredible Hulk wrote a novel called A Prayer for the Assassin. It reeks to high heaven. Essentially, it's about women in the Islamic States of America who are forced to eat at Kentucky Fried Falafel and Kebab King and are forced to wear silver spandex space burkas while they drink Jihad Cola. Janet Maslin reviews it in the NY Times this week. It is an utter waste of space. Who the hell is deciding to publish this tripe?

By the way, I used to be a big fan of Epyx Summer Games on the Commodore 64 circa 1984-85. I guess that wasn't a winter Olympics game, though.

Posted by: Geggy | February 17, 2006 6:38 PM

Stargate and Surface are both horrible pieces of shit. Whoops, SPOILER!!!

When "creationism" can be renamed "intelligent design," where "torture" become "abuse," and "propaganda" itself is now "public diplomacy," well, then, son, you're in the grip of petty fascism.

Yeah, fascism! How's the weather in your concentration cap, Neal?

This is probably a pretty good time for a comprehensive history of our relationship with Iran. We'd best understand that country as much as possible

Well, they seem nice enough.

Posted by: Jim Treacher | February 17, 2006 7:27 PM

Or even concentration camp. Or cap, it's all the same, the point is that anybody who doesn't agree with me is YEEEEEEAAAAAHGGGGHHHH!!!

Posted by: Jim Treacher | February 17, 2006 7:34 PM

Be nice, Jim. I said petty fascism. I may not be in a concentration camp, but plenty of people around the world are, on our watch and our dime.

Posted by: Neal Pollack | February 17, 2006 8:13 PM

Am I the only one who finds the current situation of the greatest empire in world history more than a little disturbing. Well, I know I'm not..that was just for emphasis.

The link to Cheney's pre-nuke plan is another sign that we are in the biblical end times. Cheney appears to be incapable of even looking human in the majority of his press pics.

Why is no one stopping things like this? Can it be stopped? Is the FBI going to read this post and put me, or us on file? What is going on here? Really? I don't know what to do anymore?

The president has broken the law, and he's not being impeached...the vp shot a man in the face with a freaking shotgun, and the poor bastard who became friends with the business end of the gun is so brainwashed with the political party he feels sorry for Cheney!! Who feels sorry for the person that shot them in the face with a double barrel?! Jesus would, but Whittington or however his name is spelled, is no Jesus. He is another pawn, in a chess game where the pawns are spreading out tremendously over the world playing field.

I could go on and on, but if we bomb Iran, (I've heard)Russia has a treaty signed with Syria, and they will surely attack us. They have subs with nuclear weapons aimed at us this very moment. Stalin and the communist theory publicly stated their beliefs-that they would let the world think they have given up on their old ideals, and then they would strike. Russia-the Red Horseman with a scythe. Russian Flag. Some biblical riddles aren't solely for ivy league grads.
America the sleeping giant, now to medicated to care. Wake Up!!
If Russia attacks, the draft will be reinforced, and who knows what N. Korea will do, or China for that matter..they've been breeding an army for years. Bush, who wants to teach children different languages at an earlier age, (good idea if practiced properly) wants kids to speak Chinese!! That's where the president thinks the country is headed! There is too much at stake for the earth's lifespan, but I guess that I feel it has always been out of the human race's hands.

Prophesy has foretold of the times we live in. All that is left to do, is to repent and follow God's commandments.

Oh yeah, on a lighter note, Stargate had potential solely cuz of the guy who played MacGyver. Forget Miami Vice, MacGyver's a series with movie potential.

Posted by: Will Says... | February 17, 2006 9:42 PM

To whoever read what was posted above, "Sorry for the length, won't happen again."

Posted by: Will Says... | February 17, 2006 9:43 PM

Cheney listens to Stormtroopers of Death's "Speak English or Die" album, especially the song about the Middle East.

Posted by: Sgt. D | February 18, 2006 2:25 PM

I agree, that Torino game blows ass. The winter olympics game on my commodore 64 had a better ski jumping section. The worst part is it shouldn't be that hard to make the game entertaining. Not being able to go head to head in the cross country or speed skating is joke too (not that i was able to figure out the speed skating).

Posted by: ed | February 19, 2006 9:26 AM

Will,
You are SO right about the MacGuyver guy. It sucks that he left the show.

Posted by: Neal's wife | February 19, 2006 9:09 PM

Please excuse my wife. She is a nerd.

Posted by: Neal Pollack | February 19, 2006 11:13 PM

I wish I had the power to make dynamite out of used chewing gum and a swiss army knife..then I'd be cool. What was his name? MacGuyver. I wonder what writer came up with that name. The guy..hey mac..needs more euro twang...how about a -ver on the end. Hollywood gold.

Posted by: Will Says... | February 20, 2006 11:07 AM

Are you Patty or Selma?

Posted by: Pig | February 20, 2006 6:49 PM

Glad you liked the book!
best wishes,
SP

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