Someone Answer The Wiggle Phone!

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February 22, 2006

11 AM, PST, 2-22-06

"Go ahead, New York."

"Um, is this Neal?"

"Yeah. Sorry about that stupid greeting. I saw New York displayed on my cell phone and I was trying to be funny."

"Right. This is Megan from HIT Entertainment."

"Oh, hey!"

"You called yesterday?"

"I did. I'm writing a parenting memoir and I wanted to quote a Wiggles lyric."

"Which lyric do you want?"

"It's the one that goes 'quack quack quack quack quack, cock a doodle doo.' I think that more or less sums up contemporary parenting."

" I know it well."

"You have kids?"

"No, I just work for the Wiggles."

"Understood. Do they make you wear one of those unicolored shirts to work?"

"No, I wear my own clothes."

"Do you have to eat fruit salad for lunch?"

"No, they're pretty cool."

"I won't make a 'wake up Jeff' joke, then."

"OK."

"Anyway, the lyric will be the epigraph for my book. I believe the official song title is Captain Feathersword Fell Asleep On His Pirate Ship."

And thus, two adults went about their busy, busy days.

Posted by at 12:03 PM | Permalink

Comments

According to Amazon.com, the complete title of the song is "Captain Feathersword Fell Asleep On His Pirate Ship (Quack Quack)." Just thought you'd want to know for accuracy's sake, so your book wouldn't be ruined.

Posted by: G Thorn | February 22, 2006 1:15 PM

One day I was with a lady and I was drunk and I fell asleep and my sword turned into a feather (drat drat).

Posted by: Ed | February 22, 2006 5:27 PM

Did you ask her if the Wiggles listen to Motörhead when they're not on camera? You had a prime opportunity to ask what the Wiggles do that makes them "pretty cool." Does the one with the guitar do an awesome rendition of Eddie Van Halen's "Eruption" when young ears aren't listening? Do they get root canals without anesthetic and sometimes wake up behind dumpsters in Atlantic City? Or do they just play penny ante poker with the Teletubbies? Before you preface your book with a quotation from their lyrics, you might want to know just what kind of guys you're associating your memoir with.

Posted by: L. Ron Hoover | February 23, 2006 6:04 AM

This week's News of the Weird offers this story about the perils of biting children:

Lannie Lloyd Hendrickson, 24, was arrested in Bozeman, Mont., in December on charges that he aggressively bit two infants he was baby-sitting, ages 1 and 2, over their arms, shoulders and legs, because they would not fall asleep. According to police, Hendrickson said he could not recall how many times he bit each one, but did admit that he "bit the shit out of them." [Bozeman Daily Chronicle, 12-30-05]

Lannie's parents probably exposed him to Venom before the age of six.

Posted by: Geggy | February 23, 2006 8:15 AM

Since we're sort of back on kid's shows and cartoons, can I revisit the "sexy cartoon" topic and offer that "Winnie the Pooh" has to be the UNsexiest cartoon ever? All the voices sound like they were done by residents of the Rolling Hills Retirement Community.

Posted by: troy | February 23, 2006 9:35 AM

I don't know, watching Pooh touch his toes is pretty hot.

Posted by: Ed | February 23, 2006 5:19 PM

Ever notice that the Wiggles' outfits are basically Star Trek uniforms?

Posted by: blah | February 23, 2006 5:46 PM

can I revisit the "sexy cartoon" topic and offer that "Winnie the Pooh" has to be the UNsexiest cartoon ever?

I don't know about that. Kanga gives me a boner.

Posted by: blah | February 23, 2006 5:48 PM

My kids don't watch The Wiggles. Yesterday, however, they were watching Grease and somehow in their preschool-aged minds, they surmised that Danny was Sandy's daddy. Perhaps he looked older. Perhaps because their own daddy resembles John Travolta. Perhaps because Olivia Newton-Johns' accent threw them off when she says, "Danny!" This is the converstation that ensued.

"Look at how Sandy is kissing her daddy!"

"That's Sandy's boyfriend, not daddy. You don't kiss *your* daddy that way."

"He's not her daddy? Why does she call him Daddy then?"

"Danny. Dah-Nee! He's her boyfriend. That's why she kisses him that way."

"Oh."

I resume the task at hand and I hear my twins declare with the authority all five year olds believe they possess, "Jewish people can't kiss treif people."

For my preschoolers, if you don't keep Kosher, apparently you *are* what you eat.

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