Fun With Trixie And Lulu
This weekend marked a new stage in the social evolution of my family. We attended our first Hollywood birthday party. Well, technically, it was a Silverlake birthday party, but it was close enough to Hollywood that we could pick up takeout from the original Zankou Chicken when it was over.
The party celebrated the birthdays of identical blonde-haired, blue-eyed twin girls, provocatively named Trixie and Lulu. They're in Elijah's class at the Jewish Community Center (Orange Stars, according to the school's Lucky Charms-like class naming scheme), and, even though he's only been enrolled for two weeks, their parents were generous enough to invite us to the party.
We appear to have, quite by accident, fallen into something resembling a community, where every parent of every kid gets along, and where newcomers are welcome like old friends. This is a great change from our social standing with parents at Elijah's previous schools, which, with a couple of exceptions, ranged from cool indifference to "if you hit my car door with your car door I'm going to sue you." Regina says she feels like we're a little out of our league. They seem to be able to afford nannies in addition to day care. They also seem to have jobs. I remind her that our temporary state of financial fluidity will dissipate soon, when the riches of Hollywood wash our troubles away in a warm golden bath of reward.
So yes, the birthday party. It was actually pretty low-key, if you can call a party attended by at least 40 toddlers and their parents low-key. They had a nice enough house, with a fenced-in front yard, but it certainly didn't exist on a scale that made us feel insecure. Also, when we saw it, the house was filthy with mud, and, as we later learned, things worse than mud. But it had been raining all day, and I'd like to see any parent do any better. I noted that their kitchen seemed smaller than ours, but Regina pointed out that they probably own their house while we pay a lot of rent every month to a Beverly Hills-based wicker furniture designer named Lucy.
The parents rented the de rigeur jumpy castle, and Trixie and Lulu had a pile of gifts that would have made post-adoption Little Orphan Annie blush. I don't remember the parents' names, though I'm guessing, from the artistic photo of Henry Rollins that occupies a prominent place in their living room, that they have some connection to the music business. As the party went on, I admired the mother, who was running a fun, efficient party, but was also drinking wine from time to time. The father wore a porkpie hat.
Elijah didn't leave the jumpy castle, except for a five-minute cake binge, for the entire party. Therefore, he missed the entertainment. At around 5 PM, a guy in a bear suit showed up. And when I say a guy in a bear suit, that's what I mean. He went around saying "I'm a guy in a bear suit! Wanna go for a ride on my back?" If that bear had a name, it would have been Irony The Bear. Or should I say "bear"?
Irony The Bear left, then he returned a few minutes later without his bear costume to do some magic tricks and make balloon animals. We were outside the jumpy castle talking to other parents, one of whom used to be a staff writer for Muppets Tonight. I want to travel back in time to steal her old job. Her husband is a staff writer for Without A Trace. I wanted to ask him, "What's Anthony LaPaglia really like?" but I couldn't get the nerve.
The Muppets Tonight writer informed me that there was dogshit all over the yard, and that kids had been tracking it into the house. She'd taken it upon herself to clean the off the shit that had gotten on the slides, because that's what had infected her child, but danger remained on the ground. Parenting inures you to bodily functions to such an extent that the act of cleaning excrement off playground equipment feels almost mundane. "Is that all you've got?" you want to say. "I've cleaned shit off of curtains."
For the first day in years, no one in my family got shit on themselves. The very nice birthday party came to an end. And then we went home.
THE END
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