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June 30, 2005

Insert Lame Reference To Punk-Rock Rebellion Here

I've stayed studiously quiet about the earth-shattering controversy that my recent New York Times Book Review essay caused, and I will continue to do so, because you all know that for me, it's always been about the work. A clarification, though: The end of my "persona" doesn't necessarily mean the end of my attitude toward the literary scene and other writers. I was a grumpy asshead before, and I will continue to be a grumpy asshead until the merciful day when I finally become brunch for worms.

You can probably imagine where I fall on the spectrum of the ongoing argument. As this funny article points out, culture with a capital C has suddenly become the provenance of sensitive young men with decent hair. Feeling has trumped thought and sentimentality has crushed anger with its steel-tipped boot of self-righteousness. Well, allow me to carve a path in the literary world for the fat and the bitter, and, in the case of my male compatriots, the inevitably balding. Follow me, losers! Let's give a secular prayer for the cranky, unfair opinion. As Alice Roosevelt Longworth, one of the hottest women in American history, famously said, "If you haven't anything nice to say, come sit next to me." Yeah, I'd fuck her corpse.

There is so much to blog about, it almost makes me hate blogs. Let's see: The President continues to ignore the coming apocalypse that is the Iraq War. As Spy magazine once said about President Bush's father: "He is just such a fucking asshole." It's time for us all to buck up and protest this stupid, greedy war for real. This website is a good place to start. If military families can have the courage to oppose the war, so can you.

Meanwhile, the Supreme Court twiddles its sagging neck flesh while professional journalists go to jail for refusing to reveal their sources. A fine term for the court, indeed. We can't smoke pot, God is allowed on the courthouse grounds, local governments can seize our property at will, and kangaroo-court independent prosecutors can send journalists to jail for no good reason. Can I have a different country now, please?

But the most important news of all, naturally, is that the Phoenix Suns have traded Quentin Richardson and a 4'8" point-guard draft-pick to the New York Knicks in exchange for Kurt Thomas. I certainly enjoyed Q last season. He's a fun, flashy player with a knack for the dramatic. But it will be nice to have someone on the team who can rebound reliably, seems to enjoy guarding people like Tim Duncan, doesn't bash his head with his hands after every made shot, and continues to play during the postseason. Still, Q, it was fun. Take Brandy with you on the way out the door.

Perhaps you haven't seen my latest Bad Sex column on Nerve, about the important topic of the use of citrus fruit during passionate encounters. Enjoy. But if you don't, please don't tell me. It would hurt my feelings!