What the government doesn't want you to see
Like most Americans of my income level and social standing, I have a satellite dish. While watching Pakistani television yesterday for signs of anti-American bias, I caught the controversial Al-Jazeera video of captured American soldiers. Unexpurgated, it was very disturbing.
Yes, the greatest fighting force ever assembled for the noblest cause in human history is marching inexorably toward Baghdad and weeks of horrific mutual slaughter unlike any ever seen on TV. Yet Americans are still uneasy about watching their children killed, live. One can't blame them, really, but I'm of the opinion that what the world sees, we should see.
Our opponents are so brutal, so inhuman, so outside the bounds of normal human behavior, that we must face them all day, every day, in our living rooms. Iraqis are not people like you and me. They're barbaric animals who operate by a different code; our television networks don't make that clear enough. So I must narrate the hostage video for you. What I'm about to write is very disturbing. But you have to look into the harsh light of reality before your eyes can adjust to the truth.
This, then, is the horrific true narrative of war:
Five U.S. soldiers sit in a room, on comfortable couches. They're being interviewed by an unctuous blond man with a bad haircut. He asks them if they're "psyched" for their "auditions." They glance around nervously. The first one, a woman, is called into an antechamber.
She faces three judges: a large black man, a cruel-looking fellow with crossed arms, and Paula Abdul.
"You must now sing Come Through My Window, by Melissa Etheridge," says the cruel one.
"But..." says the soldier.
"Sing it, sister girl," says the large black man.
A piano plays. The soldier sings, against her will. She has no stage presence, and seems to have forgotten the words. The tears flow.
"I don't think that was your best performance," says the large black man.
"Well, I thought you were great," says Paula Abdul.
The cruel one gazes at the female soldier, who quivers.
"Absolutely horrible," he says. "You're an embarrassment to your country."
She goes backstage, where the unctuous blond comforts her, but also mocks her. He then sends out the next soldier, a man, who the cruel one instructs to sing a Brian McKnight song.
"Fuck that shit," the soldier says defiantly. "I like the rock."
"You will sing what you're told to sing," says the cruel judge, "or you won't make the finals."
He sings. You can see him trying not to break down, but it's obvious that voice lessons were not part of the basic program at Fort Bliss. It's totally not in his range.
"I don't like your choice of song," says the black judge.
"I didn't choose that song, man!" says the soldier.
"Well, I thought you were great," says Paula Abdul.
"I'm very disappointed in the level of talent in the United States military," says the cruel judge. "You all need to find a different line of work."
The videotape continues from there. The judges force our fine soldiers, one by one, to sing songs by the world's worst songwriters. The cruel one reaps witty but obviously scripted scorn and humiliation, causing one soldier to pathetically beg for "another chance."
"No," says the judge. "You have failed. You will not be chosen."
"Well," says Paula Abdul. "I thought you were great."
The cruel judge stands.
"Silence!" he says. "She was not great. America is not great, either, and it will fall before the mighty Iraqi army! Soon, we will choose a soldier and name that soldier the American Idol. And then the world will see that the United States cannot sing!"
Donald Rumsfeld is right. This garbage certainly violates the Geneva Convention, and how. It's so much worse than holding hundreds of people indefinitely without charges at a military base in Cuba, driving many of them to suicide or madness. Cursed be the liberals who want to defend enemy combatants who wish to harm you and your pets. We'll win this war without them.
Also, read this excellent article. And now, to Baghdad! Ho!
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