A housekeeping before the Apocalypse

Alternadad

Random House »
Amazon »
Barnes & Noble »
Powell's »
Booksense »

The Neal Pollack Anthology Of American Literature

Chicago Noir

« The dumb-ass war that we must fight | Main | So this is war »

March 18, 2003

Before I get to my guest blogger for today, who is Christian Bauman,retired soldier and author of the excellent Somalia war novel The Ice Beneath You, I have a couple of brief housekeeping matters.

First, the Day Without Satire previously scheduled for April 1 remains on April 1. Only now, instead of asking websites to go "black," I'm encouraging all Internet humorists to make fun of Lynne Cheney, Dick Cheney, or both. This will be in protest of the White House's attempts to stop payment on Lynne Cheney parodies at Whitehouse.org. Don't worry, funny people. The war will be over by then. We still need to band together. Make fun of the Cheneys on April 1.

Residents of Georgia and other southern states: I will be appearing on April 2 in Athens at the legendary 40 Watt Club to help celebrate the 10th Anniversary of Chunklet magazine. Following me on stage will be David Cross. This is an honor I don't deserve. Then, on April 4, I will be doing my very own event at Criminal Records in Atlanta. It will include many circus freaks, and also rock music. Details can be found here. Again, let me repeat. The war will be over by then. It will be safe to laugh once more.

Now, Mr. Christian Bauman. You can contact him directly here.

3-17-03

There’s these two new Gulf War memoirs out; talk about good timing. A couple years back when my agent was trying to sell my novel, all we kept hearing was “no one’s interested in literary fiction with war in it.” The book came out last fall, but the sale was pre-9/11. I’ve heard too that even Bowden’s “Black Hawk Down” had trouble finding a buyer in the beginning.

These ex-Marines Swofford and Turnipseed, “Jarhead” and “Baghdad Express,” respectively, have stepped in it. Nice. It’s good to see someone swing and hit one out of the park. Lots and lots of press. Front page of the NY Times book review. Matter of fact, the Times has, at last count, now published three major articles on Swofford’s book.

Here’s the thing that’s getting me, that’s either cracking me up or making me want to cry, I’m not sure which: the underlying sense of surprise in these reviews/articles. The reviews are positive, and should be. And what you get from the literary side of the press corps is this feeling of surprise at the messiness of war and those who wage it, at the profanity. War is dirty, it seems, and the soldiers who fight it might not be worthy of dinner with Mom.

Maybe I don’t think about it because I was a soldier. But to be honest I don’t think I know a whole lot more now than I knew before I enlisted.

My point: what the fuck exactly did you expect? For goodness sakes, ladies, I know y’all read “The Things They Carried”; I’ve seen your blurbs all over the back of the book. You read “Farewell to Arms” right? Did you think us tricky novelists made that shit up? So why this polite, literary cough in these reviews/articles, this “wonderfully written memoir, really; but my goodness the way those boys carry on.”

Here it is, man: kids with rifles in their hands curse. A lot. They curse blue streaks and tell jokes about Susie Rottencrotch and dry ass fucks and they’re not particularly polite people. Most of them are just a few years past puberty, and they’ve trained to do their day job by jabbing a bayonet repeatedly into the torso of a human-looking model and yelling “Kill! Kill!” over and over again at the tops of their lungs. Experience like that makes for a rather edgy and shall we say less-than-cultivated sense of humor.

This might be a surprise, but in war people have parts of their bodies blown off. Sometimes they survive it, or survive it for a while. There’s blood and flesh flung about, and that kind of thing hurts a lot, so there’s likely to be men screaming. Really loud, really high-pitched.

Even before a battle -- even before you get on a plane to leave the States -- there’s going to be puke and snot and shit and piss.

And why is this surprising? I guess that’s what I don’t get. How else did you expect it to be?

My own sweeping generalization is thus: the very modern, intelligent, very educated, ivory-tower reviewers of literature are made distinctly uncomfortable by war and combat as themes, and the more in-your-face it is in a book, the more uncomfortable they get. So they try very hard to ignore it. When at all possible, they’d rather just not go there. Because, I think, it IS all a great surprise to them. The side of humanity that survives the stress of looming combat by having mass faux fieldfucks is very foreign to these people, and they don’t want to write about it or frankly even think about it. So they don’t. Until those times, like right now, when they have to because they can’t avoid it. And then they seem surprised at how filthy dirty it all is.

It’s funny to me, and I think it’s the same underlying reason why intelligent, well-educated people have allowed our leaders to take us to this point: because they have no knowledge of how bad war really is.

It really is that bad.

Posted by at 4:12 PM | Permalink

Comments

Preved Medved

Posted by: baclofen | June 28, 2006 11:28 PM

Preved Medved

Posted by: caribbean villa rental | July 1, 2006 2:06 PM

interesting comments, people )

Posted by: fioricet | July 11, 2006 10:35 PM

ringtones free

Posted by: ghz54al@mail.com | July 12, 2006 9:47 AM

very interesting comments, people )

Posted by: bondage | July 17, 2006 7:41 PM

milf cruiser com mjj milf cruiser com http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-cruiser-com.html
milf seeker mpeg mjj milf seeker mpeg http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-seeker-mpeg.html
milf cruiser passwords mjj milf cruiser passwords http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-cruiser-passwords.html
milf seeker isabella mjj milf seeker isabella http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-seeker-isabella.html
lesson milf roxetta mjj lesson milf roxetta http://milf.toplesstopics.com/lesson-milf-roxetta.html
brooke age 33 milf seekers mjj brooke age 33 milf seekers http://milf.toplesstopics.com/brooke-age-33-milf-seekers.html
hot busty milf cruiser mjj hot busty milf cruiser http://milf.toplesstopics.com/hot-busty-milf-cruiser.html
milf lessons 2 mjj milf lessons 2 http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-lessons-2.html
lesson milf picture mjj lesson milf picture http://milf.toplesstopics.com/lesson-milf-picture.html
mature milf on milf seeker mjj mature milf on milf seeker http://milf.toplesstopics.com/mature-milf-on-milf-seeker.html
milf lessons lisa mjj milf lessons lisa http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-lessons-lisa.html
milf cruiser cum mjj milf cruiser cum http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-cruiser-cum.html
milf seekers fucking mjj milf seekers fucking http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-seekers-fucking.html
milf cruiser laura mjj milf cruiser laura http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-cruiser-laura.html
milf lessons gianna michaels mjj milf lessons gianna michaels http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-lessons-gianna-michaels.html
milf lessons 5 mjj milf lessons 5 http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-lessons-5.html
milf cruiser amber mjj milf cruiser amber http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-cruiser-amber.html
milf seeker demi mjj milf seeker demi http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-seeker-demi.html
milf lessons holly mjj milf lessons holly http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-lessons-holly.html
asian milf lesson mjj asian milf lesson http://milf.toplesstopics.com/asian-milf-lesson.html
lessons from milf update mjj lessons from milf update http://milf.toplesstopics.com/lessons-from-milf-update.html
hot milf seeker mjj hot milf seeker http://milf.toplesstopics.com/hot-milf-seeker.html
milf seekers preview dvd mjj milf seekers preview dvd http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-seekers-preview-dvd.html
milf moms seeker mjj milf moms seeker http://milf.toplesstopics.com/milf-moms-seeker.html

Posted by: milf cruiser com | October 8, 2006 7:10 PM

cingular ringtones cingular ringtones http://cingular-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
nextel ringtones nextel ringtones http://nextel-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
motorola ringtones free motorola ringtones free http://motorola-ringtones-free-pro.blogspot.com
ringtones for a samsung ringtones for a samsung http://ringtones-for-a-samsung-pro.blogspot.com
free mobile ringtones free mobile ringtones http://free-mobile-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
free ringtone free ringtone http://free-ringtone-pro.blogspot.com
free mp3 ringtones free mp3 ringtones http://free-mp3-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
nokia ringtones nokia ringtones http://nokia-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
free nextel ringtones free nextel ringtones http://free-nextel-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
free verizon ringtones free verizon ringtones http://free-verizon-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
free motorola ringtones free motorola ringtones http://free-motorola-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
alltel ringtones alltel ringtones http://alltel-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
free ringtones samsung free ringtones samsung http://free-ringtones-samsung-pro.blogspot.com
cell phone ringtones cell phone ringtones http://cell-phone-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com
free polyphonic ringtones free polyphonic ringtones http://free-polyphonic-ringtones-pro.blogspot.com

Posted by: cingular ringtones | October 20, 2006 4:35 AM

Posted by: cingular ringtones | October 20, 2006 8:06 AM

football free picks football free picks http://football-free-picks-pro.blogspot.com
nfl pick nfl pick http://nfl-pick-pro.blogspot.com
nfl picks nfl picks http://nfl-picks-pro.blogspot.com
sports handicapping sports handicapping http://sports-handicapping-pro.blogspot.com
football handicapping football handicapping http://football-handicapping-pro.blogspot.com
college football pick college football pick http://college-football-pick-pro.blogspot.com
nfl prediction nfl prediction http://nfl-prediction-pro.blogspot.com
college football picks college football picks http://college-football-picks-pro.blogspot.com
football prediction football prediction http://football-prediction-pro.blogspot.com
football predictions football predictions http://football-predictions-pro.blogspot.com
free nfl pick free nfl pick http://free-nfl-pick-pro.blogspot.com

Posted by: football free picks | October 20, 2006 9:55 PM

I found: rape stories o rape porn o teen rape o rape pictures o rape pics o rape videos o rape video o rape movies o fantasy rape o rape fantasy o rape sex o gang rape o anal rape o rape porn o rape photos o incest rape o fantasy rape stories o lesbian rape o anime rape o rape comics o vietnam rape o asian rape o forced sex o forced womanhood o fantasy forced sex o forced to fuck o forced feminization o forced feminization stories o forced crossdressing o forced sex stories o bdsm stories o bdsm library o bdsm cafe o female domination o female domination stories o sex slave o sex slaves o slave girl o brutal sex o brutal blowjobs o brutal rape o extreme sex o extreme penetration o extreme anal insertion o extreme anal fucking o extreme anal o extreme insertions o extreme hard sex o breast torture extreme o sissy humiliation o facial humiliation o rape victims o brutal rape o prison rape o ass rape o young rape o virgin rape o family rape o real rape o forced rape o bondage rape o rape porn o bdsm movies o bdsm videos o extreme cumshots o extreme blowjobs o extreme bondage o extreme porn o incest stories o incest sex stories o incest story o family incest o family porn o nude family o family nude o family sex o incest pictures o incest porn o incest pics o incest sex o incest photos o incest girl o lolita incest o young incest o cartoon incest o incest cartoons o incest cartoon o incest toons o incest taboo forum o incest forum o taboo family sex o incest taboo o taboo sex o father daughter sex o daughter incest o father daughter incest o daughter sex o dad fucking daughter o dad fucks daughter o daddies fucking daughters o mother son porn o mother sucks son o mother son sex o mother son incest o mom son sex o mom and son sex o mom and son sex galleries o moms fucking sons o incest movies o incest videos o brother sister sex o sister sex o brother and sister sex stories o brother sister incest o

Posted by: privet | October 24, 2006 12:29 AM

Posted by: privet | October 24, 2006 2:08 AM

asian models sbn asian models http://www.asian-models.blogspot.com
amatuer sex videos sbn amatuer sex videos http://www.amatuer-sex-videos.blogspot.com
amatuer fucking sbn amatuer fucking http://www.amatuer-fucking.blogspot.com
mature lesbian sbn mature lesbian http://www.mature-lesbian-blog.blogspot.com
milf fuck sbn milf fuck http://www.milf-fuck.blog.blogspot.com
nude asians sbn nude asians http://www.nude-asians-blog.blogspot.com
amatuer facials sbn amatuer facials http://www.amatuer-facials.blogspot.com
milf cruiser sbn milf cruiser http://www.milf-cruiser-blog.blogspot.com
mature nude sbn mature nude http://www.mature-nude-blog1.blogspot.com
asian girl sbn asian girl http://www.asian-girl-blog.blogspot.com
amatuer wife sbn amatuer wife http://www.amatuer-wife-blogspot.com
mature amatuer sbn mature amatuer http://www.mature-amatuer.blogspot.com
free milfs sbn free milfs http://www.free-milfs-blog.blogspot.com
busty and mature sbn busty and mature http://www.busty-and-mature.blogspot.com
asian chicks sbn asian chicks http://www.asian-chicks.blogspot.com
amatuer blowjobs sbn amatuer blowjobs http://www.amatuer-blowjobs.blogspot.com
milf sex sbn milf sex http://www.milf-sex-blog.blogspot.com
milf riders sbn milf riders http://www.milf-riders-blog.blogspot.com
asian lesbians sbn asian lesbians http://www.asian-lesbians-blog1.blogspot.com
nude asian sbn nude asian http://www.nude-asian-blog.blogspot.com
amatuer ladies sbn amatuer ladies http://www.amatuer-ladies.blogspopt.com
milf hunters sbn milf hunters http://www.milf-hunters.blogspot.com
very mature sex sbn very mature sex http://www.very-mature-sex-blog.blogspot.com
asian fuck sbn asian fuck http://www.asian-fuck-blog.blogspot.com