We got the neutron bomb
The French, the Germans, and everyone else who would give succor to our enemies seem to be missing the point. The United States is being threatened by people with weapons. The North Koreans have at least two missiles that are capable of striking Sherman Oaks, even Hollywood. Iraq, despite its claims to the contrary, can smack down armored cars at a distance of 90 feet. The mullahs of Iran are making secret mullah grenades capable of blowing up puppies.
Therefore, I endorse without reservation the United States' plan to develop a new generation of nuclear weapons that would violate every arms treaty known to humankind. Our enemies have chemical and biological armaments. We know they do even though they say they don't. So it's only natural that we should want to destroy their caches by using a neutron bomb. That would certainly take care of the problem. In addition, we know our enemies have bunkers, and we should bust them. The "bunker buster" is a great idea. Why didn't someone think of it earlier: A nuclear bomb that can burrow into the earth and explode underground, thereby only damaging underground weapons caches, never harming a soul, except for maybe some insects. My god! It's foolproof!
I, for one, will be attending Donald Rumsfeld's secret meeting in New Mexico during the week of August 4. The place where he's holding the meeting is only about a day's drive from Burning Man, after all. I'm especially excited to host the panel titled "What are the warhead characteristics and advanced concepts we will need in the post-NPR environment?" Well, I don't have all the answers to that one, but I do know that I look forward to that post-NPR environment. Hasta luego, Car Talk. Now what will our nation's college professors do without their daily dose of leftist propaganda?
Maybe they'll chill out. After all, nobody dies during nuclear tests. And we know these advanced weapons are necessary. I mean, nobody wanted us to distribute those exploding condoms to a few test market high-schools in suburban Ohio, but I can guarantee you that a whole generation is now starting to think differently about pre-marital sex.
As for those people who are dithering about The Bush Administration's attempt to sneak through exemptions on weapons testing for its totally unproven missile defense system, I say, pooh. It will work, sources tell me. This is the Pentagon we're talking about. Nothing can go wrong. Alaska will be safe from a nuclear attack. We've got missile defense. All is secure. Please stand clear of the perimeter. Nothing to see here.
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