I was prepared to spend today's blog lambasting Eric Alterman, whose new book, "The Not Particularly Liberal Media And Bruce Springsteen: Unfulfilled Promises, Forgotten Dreams," has shot to the top of my own personal liar, liar pants on fire charts. But then I remembered that Ann Coulter, that heinous bitch, will be taking care of Alterman once and forever in her soon-to-be-published (and immortal) book, "They Tried To Kill God: How Anyone Ever Associated With The Left Raped Our Babies Or At Least Wanted To." So instead, I settled into bed with a warm toddy prepared by Roger, and turned on VH1.

Oh, how I remember the 80s! All those funny bands. I can't get enough of them: Judas Christ, Silly Sister, Gary Numan and the Cars. Who can forget Emcee Hammer Time, or the girls from Fame?

My special private bedside phone rang.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey, man," said a voice.

"Hey!" I said.

"It's LeBron," he said.

"I know who this is, dog!" I said. "What's up? Are you feeling all shizzy in the nizzy?"

"What does that mean?" he said.

"I don't know," I said.

"Yeah," he said. "Look. My moms says I've gotta return that free copy of Beneath the Axis Of Evil. The ethics people are all over my ass."

"Aw, man!" I said. "That was a free gift!"

"I know," said LeBron. "It was really the best thing I've ever read. More than any other book, it speaks to the situation of a young black man in America who's on a nationwide basketball tour sponsored by sneaker companies and ESPN."

"Well," I said. "I try to address the universal truths."

"And it was sure better than David Frum's book."

"Frum's a pussy," I said.

"Still, I gotta return it."

"Sure," I said. "I understand."

"But I'm also giving up basketball," said LeBron James, "because I want to become a novelist like you."

"LeBron," I said. "I'm flattered. But becoming a novelist takes at least a year of hard work. Just ask Jonathan Safran Foer."

"It's what I want," he said. "I'd rather write a novel than play for the Cavaliers."

I fully understood. No one ever wanted to play for Cleveland, even when Daugherty was in his prime. And the temptations of the literary life are manifold for a young man of LeBron's gifts. But I hope he reconsiders. He has pure basketball ability and the fine teeth of a young buck.

I said my goodnight to him, and returned to VH1. That David Bowie/Mick Jagger duet was cool then, and it's still cool today. And no one rocked harder than Van Heflin.

Some notes to wrap up the week. Thanks to all of you who contributed pro-war haiku yesterday. It's good to see that some poetry takes the side of justice in this ongoing War on Terror, which cannot fail by the power of the Star Creator. But in the future, no more than three entries per person, please.

Have a great weekend.

Neal

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