I haven't been able to join the maddened cry over George W. Bush's support of abstinence education for teenagers. After all, I deeply regret that I lost my virginity when I was 12. If I'd just waited two years, it would have been Candice Bergen popping my cherry, not that prostitute in Montreal. Now I'm a father. As I rock Peggy, my clone baby, to dreamland, I often say to her, "Don't sleep with a boy unless you really really like him and he buys you candy."
It's far more disturbing that Bush nominated to his HIV advisory panel a man who in the past has referred to AIDS as a "gay plague." Poison like that seemed somewhat acceptable in the 1980s, when hating gay people was all the vogue among my set, but these days, it's just gauche. Still, I'll give Bush a pass on this one, because he's never before produced nominees with lunatic ideology, and he certainly won't again.
However, I cannot, in good conscience, stand idle and watch as Bush nominates Mr. Walter Senseney, of Iowa City, Iowa, to head the President's Commission On Teabagging. Those of us in the Teabagging-American community are all too familiar with Mr. Senseney's work. Supposedly a professor of "political science" at "The University of Iowa," Mr. Senseney has long used his classroom as a bully pulpit against what he calls "a disgrace practiced in secret by despicables." He once said, in a roundtable conducted by the editors of Sanity magazine, that he would not be concerned if "all teabaggers were wiped from the face of this earth, or at least castrated."
I urge President Bush to reconsider this poisonous appointment. Those of us who love dipping our balls in the mouths of other men and women cannot watch as our sexual rights are abrogated by cloistered Midwest prudes. In fact, I demand a personal call from the President. He called those anti-choice people, so why not me?
This outrage must not endure.
Meanwhile, I'm getting ready for another week off, this time to visit the doctor who produced the nucleotides that later gave birth to my darling Peggy. He's having cosmetic surgery in Amsterdam, but I must see him immediately. Peggy is growing far too quickly, and has recently developed stubble on her chin. Starting next Monday, and all next week, this blog will be the property of Christopher Monks. Be nice to him.
My rock-n-roll diary continues today on Slate. Update around noon Eastern.