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December 23, 2002

Happy fucking Christmas Eve Eve

Well, all, I'm back. And with a vengeance. Not unlike the Terminator or the fat kid at high school reunion. (Fortunately for me I was always pretty and bitchy and loved.)

Did you miss me web children? I bet! Because if there's one thing you can't get enough of it's LIZZ FUCKING WESTMAN.

And now it's Christmas. Or the HOLIDAY SEASON for all you heretics and heathens. I spent my Festivus (that's December 23rd for you TV impaired) at the DMV trying to get a new license. [Insert proper stand up comedy jokes here.]

But that's not the real issue. I'm already in trouble and it isn't even Christmas Eve.

Why?

1. I spelled the totally legal, "Scrabble Dictionary" word QAT when playing Scrabble (obviously) with my parents. See also: XI, XU.

2. I put Maker's Mark on the family grocery list, claiming it was "sipping whiskey" and therefore "classy."

3. I made everyone watch Charmed during dinner and attempted to steal my brother's dinner, claiming I hadn't eaten palatable meat in months. He, nor my parents, were amused.

4. I refused to acknowledge holiday specials created by USA, TNT or VH1 and insisted everyone should watch Bravo's showing of Harold and Maude. Classic and interesting? Yes. Festive? Only to me.

Well, that's it for now. I need to go drink nog now. And by nog I mean booze.

Love,
Lizz

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