The stinking, pathetic lies of Sadaam Hussein
Reading Saddam Hussein's letter to the United Nations is a little like trying to clean the puke out of a bus station toilet, but far less appetizing, and in many ways even more unpleasant because at least if you're at the bus station you can go have a beer after work, whereas it's kind of bad form to drink in the U.N. Commisary.
All of Hussein's signature insanities are there: The references to "rivers of blood," the tacit language that reveals his secret alliance with the French, his predilection for the term "titty twisting." Has the world ever faced a moral monster so immoral, or so monstrous? This man is Jeffrey Dahmer crossed with Hannibal Lecter, with Benedict Arnold's balls. He is the creeping evil virus in our souls, Monica Lewinsky's blue dress draped over Chandra Levy's corpse in Vince Foster's grave, the black night threatening to blot out the glorious sun that is the Bush Presidency. Hoo-boy, do I hate him! And don't the sweaty-fingered losers who cheered for Mondale at the Wellstone rally (where's your candidate now, people? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?) feel stupid? Your dead senator wanted to stop this war, Minnesota. But now nothing can stop us.
The bright, clear light of the Iraq situation leds me to propose a new category of political thought. The outdated, artificial division in American politics between right and left, Republican and Democrat, those who want to defend democracy from our enemies and those who would rather have our country sink into a free-spending quagmire of weak multiculturalist feel-good appeasment, needs to be replaced.
So join my school, people. Because if you're reading this blog, I know you agree with me on so many things, like the mandatory detention of all Americans of Arab descent, tolerance for those who enjoy unusual but still legal sexual practices like teabagging, the dissolution of the Senate, and the immediate cancellation of the television program Ed. I propose we call ourselves the Lions of Truth.
Wait, that sounds too much like Haile Selassie, a man who was evil and also black. How about the Tigers of Justice? No, there's the Tamil Tigers and the Detroit Tigers to consider. How about Anacondas for the American Way?
I kind of like the last one. But I won't name this new movement without your help. The interactivity of this blog will continue. Name my political movement. Help me. Together we can wipe out dissent forever. No men with hairy backs, please.