The struggles of a working parent
I consider myself one of the luckiest people I know, but still I suffer from the working-parent blues. Every Wednesday, my heart breaks when I send my four-year-old to Brazilian dancing camp just so I can get my Weekly Standard column done. When I was in my 20s, the magazines I read promised that I could have it all: Children, a career, drugs, and an iguana farm, while still being true to myself and having at least three satisfying orgasms a week. Well, it all was a lie.
A recent study by the National Association Against the Advancement of Women indicated that seven of ten working mothers see their children, on average, five minutes or less a day. In Mexico, it's even worse. Sometimes I think about my daughters and what I will teach them when they are willing to sit down and shut up to listen to me for a change, but my mind is full of cotton because I'm so busy working and taking care of them and cooking dinner and planning parties and lecturing all over the country on just this very topic. A certain demographic definitely needs my support, and I'm here to give my message. As indicated to the left of this column, I'm available as a college speaker about the struggles of the working parent who has decided to have kids later in life. We don't want to give up our careers for the sake of parenthood but also don't want to give up parenthood for our careers. It's a Gordian knot that cannot be untied at one sitting.
One woman I know decided to wait until after her 50th birthday to have her first child. Fortunately, she works as a pirate captain and has a whole ship of babysitters to care for the child when she's busy. But we all can't be that lucky. Lawyers and broadcast executives don't have first mates, and my research has found that ordinary co-workers generally won't clean your monocle on demand.
Late in the game I've come to realize that life will fuck you raw. Give up all hope now, ladies. The gains of feminism have led to the losses of post-feminism, and the anti-feminists offer an oppressive fool's gold. Parenthood is a walking nightmare, as is working, and, in general, life is just a long slow miserable painful relentless slide to the grave. Your kids will never love you as much as you want them to. Blow them off and go score some kind bud. You've earned it.
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