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Last night, I was surprisingly released from prison as the French government announced a program of general amnesty for all political bloggers, or, as they call them in France, blagueurs. And just in time, too, for it appears that Chief Charles Moose, using his singularly lethal brand of Moose Justice, has finally caught the maniacal D.C. sniper.
But for all the media attention afforded this subject, it appears that no one is pointing out that the sniper lived in a house made almost entirely of cheese. For a brief time in the mid-80s, I was black and belonged to the Nation Of Islam. I happened to be present during one of Louis Farrakhan's most lunatic speeches. I still have the transcription by my bedside. It went: "Now, they're trying to get Ol' Farrakhan. Well, they ain't got him yet!" (15 minutes of thunderous applause.) The Sorcerer Yakub said, you shall go into the valleys of Virginia and Washington, and you shall make yourself a house of processed cheese, and you shall take on a youthful protege and feed him nothing but crackers. If he gives into the cheese temptation, he is unholy. And a Jew!"
At the time, the speech sounded somewhat loony to me, but Farrahkhan's words appear to have gained a foothold in the real world. When will people realize that the Nation of Islam is an enemy not only of America, but also Islam, and, let's face it, artisanal cheese makers the world over? It should be shut down by the government immediately, and Farrakhan jailed for crimes against the state. Also, you may not be aware that the Nation of Islam is almost completely one hundred percent funded by The Nation magazine, which should also be shut down by the government immediately.
But enough for now. You'll hear more from me on this topic in the coming days and weeks. For now, we should just thank goodness that we are, once again, immortal citizens of the greatest country in the history of the world.
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