The liberal press has taken much delight in recent days in my old friend Mickey Kaus' refutation of my refutation of a June 2000 article I wrote called "Putin Would Never Gas His Own People Unless It Was For Their Own Good, Also, There Is A Definite Rise In Left-Wing Racism In This Country." The fact that the article was due to be published in the New York Times but never saw the light of print is just another indication of the double standard that exists in the yellowed halls of the Gray Lady. Yes, Howell Raines can hide behind the fact that my assignment was supposed to be a profile of John McCain and instead I produced a 10,000-word dissection of the disintegrating intellectual standards of the left. But unlike most Times reporters, I write what I know, and no one knows more about academic disengenousness than me. Maybe King Howell and his hard-working team of Holocaust deniers should chew on that for a while.

On the street, strangers ask me all the time, "Neal, how can you be in favor of unlimited detention without charges for randomly-chosen Arab-Americans, but still support general amnesty for prominent Internet columnists accused of plagiarism and sexual harrassment?" It's an interesting question. If I were arrested and not given right to an attorney, I'd raise holy hell. I would also file a class-action discrimination suit on behalf of the bi-curious, a group of people to which I belong unapologetically. And I have nothing but sympathy for the jailed, unless they're my enemies, or unless they deserved their sentences. Now please shut up and let me make my points, one-by-one.

1. The peacenik crowd and the U.N. need to understand that this is a war, and people are going to die. Even though 117 people perished in Russia over the weekend, Vladimir Putin did the right thing, because terrorists kill people, and we have to be able to show that we, also, can kill people, even the wrong people, so terrorists will be afraid of us.

2. Gore Vidal's writing is juvenile, and anyone who disagrees with me is a Mr. Poopy Pants.

3. Karl Marx raped children, and enjoyed himself while doing it. I have documented proof. Take that, Noam Chomsky.

4. The view of the beach from my back deck is simply remarkable. Roger! More brandy! Chop-chop!

5. Anyone who calls me a moral hypocrite is themselves guilty of hypocrisy, particularly if they are a hypocrite themselves.

6. Those who call my opinions inconsistent had better do so consistently, or else I'll point out that they, too, are inconsistent, and probably also hypocritical.

7. By hypocritical, I mean holding me up to an unfair double-standard, and by inconsistent, I mean not consistent.

8. By double standard, I mean two standards.

9. By two, I mean not one.

10. Jean Carnahan stooped to a new low this weekend by calling her opponent a "dirty-kneed faggot." Who says homophobia isn't alive and well among the Democrats of Missouri, which is a slave state?

11. I have photographs of Jean Carnahan engaged in lesbian activity.

12. I, the Lord, am your God, who led you out of Egypt to be your God. I, the Lord, am your God.

Posted by at 2:40 PM | Permalink