Today I must confirm a sad announcement. As reported on Jim Romenesko's Media News, as of this week, I will no longer be writing for The Nation. Like I told Nation editor Katrina Van den Heuvel (a truly sexy lady) last night as we shared a post-coital cigarette at the Four Seasons San Francisco, this was not an easy decision. The Nation is one of the great magazines in American magazine history, having published eminent figures like Oliver Wendell Holmes, W.E.B. DuBois, Henry James, Harry James, and the muckraking journalist James Henry Harrison. It was the home of some of my first published articles, including "What Has Become Of The Left?" "The Left Is Coming Back," "Come On, Left," "Meat Is Poison," "Henry Hyde Is A Dick," "Hair Shirt: The Anti-Sweatshop Campaign and the Second Coming Of the American Left On Two or Three College Campuses," and Henry Kissinger, Vampire Of the World." But now, my association is no more.

It became apparent to me over the last two or three days that the American left's grasp on reality is both untenable and unsupportable, especially after I received a $500,000 check from the National Rifle Association to appear at its annual banquet. That's more money than I could make in 12 years writing for The Nation, Mother Jones, and especially Z Magazine, which pays .001 cents a word. And let's face it. Who reads The Nation anyway outside of Brooklyn, Berkeley and Madison, three places where I already have crash pads? In all my years as a journalist, I've never gotten laid by telling a woman that I write for The Nation. But one published editorial in the Wall Street Journal is worth a week of hot-tub parties. And if I ever had to go on one of those fucking cruises again, I'd have to set fire to my own shit and eat it for brunch.

Quite simply, the left lacks the moral clarity necessary to prosecute our current War on Terror. Just the other day, I had lunch in Washington with my dear friend Michael Habib, nominal head of The Palestinian Committee For Autonomous Self-Determination, People Who Believe in Democratic Rule Of Law Without Blowing Up Jews (PCFASDPWBIDROLWBUJ), who said to me, "quite simply, old chum, the left lacks the moral clarity necessary to prosecute our current War On Terror."

My page in The Nation will be replaced by a rotation of features: A monthly Tom Tomorrow drawing of John Ashcroft called "Hiss, Hiss;" "You Can Do It, Left, Don't Touch My Body," a page of inspirational Ani DiFranco song lyrics; the always-scintillating Labor Watch; and the return of Patricia Williams' column, renamed "Diary of A Law Professor Who Happens To Be A Black Woman In Today's Society." Meanwhile, I've got to work on the manuscript of my forthcoming book, "Queen Elizabeth, Transvestite Whore of Windsor."

Alexander Cockburn is a Stalinist filth-monkey. There, I said it. Now, I must away.

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