Archives

January 2010

The Apple Of My Ear
Strange Doings In The Dark

December 2009

Innocence, Not Yet Lost
Coming Soon, I Swear

November 2009

Hipster Kids Say The Darndest Things: Rock Edition
A Short Description Of My New Book

October 2009

Yoga: The True Path To Awesome Poops
Tense

September 2009

A Very Pleasant Good Evening To You, Wherever You May Be
Old Guy Blathering On About Yoga
The Prophecy Comes True
Apparently, I Write About Yoga Now

August 2009

Hipster Kids Say The Darndest Things: Extreme Bookshelf Edition
Putting Your Foots Down
How To Explain Mad Men To A Six-Year-Old
P-Force
Club Sutra 2: The Re-Sutraing

July 2009

New Friend On Tap
Club Sutra

June 2009

I Am My Own Odd Couple
Children Of Aging L.A. Hipsters Say The Darndest Things--Sleepover Edition

May 2009

This Weak In Baseball
Splash Judgment
The World Teeball Not-So-Classic

April 2009

No Quiero Skippyjon Jones
For The Discerning Cartoon Viewer
The Four Things You Can't Write About On Parents.com
Pride Of The Yankees
Daily Meditation
Sniffed Back To Reality
Golden Showers

March 2009

Not With A Bang
A Little Bite Of Yoga Dork

February 2009

Top Yogi

December 2008

The NBA: Origins

September 2008

Motherhoodlum

August 2008

Attack Of The Clowns

July 2008

Still Here, Dammit

June 2008

Turn Off Your Mind, Relax, And Float Downstream

May 2008

Future Gigs
Is This Thing Still On?

April 2008

San Francisco Events, April 26-27

March 2008

Important Recent Developments
Swingin' With The N Word
The War In The Park, The War At Home
This Week in Domesticity

February 2008

Elijah Vs. The Archenemy
Alternadad Paperback Tour Schedule
Alternadad Paperback

January 2008

Alternadad For A Better Life?

November 2007

Highly Evolved
Parenting On The March
On The Pickets
Tonight In Pollack-Land
Hotman--the video!

October 2007

Birthday Week!
Yes, I'm Still Here

September 2007

Three Way Out
This Week In Fun Land!
So Much To Do On Offsprung!

August 2007

Pollack V. Rotten
Never Mind The Pollacks
Update And Apology
This Week In Pollack-Ball

July 2007

A Comedy Classic
So Here's The Deal
Turn And Face The Strange
Hide The Hebrew National
Alternadad Paperback
The Future Of Gay Marriage

June 2007

Stump Grinder
Career Choices
A Watched Pot
Children Of The Corny
Howdy, Neighbor!
Mount Elijah Erupts
Sick Bay
Boing Boing
Movin' On Up
Don't Eat The Brown Sno-Cone
Self-Promotion Sunday
Oh, What A Lonely Boy!

May 2007

The Right Soap
Poo Sham
Dia de los Padres
Self-Promotion Monday
Reverse Food Chain
Le Pollack And Shirley
Yay!
The Times Gets Another Scoop
Nightline--At Last!
Wake Up, Suns Fans!
L.A.'s Burning
The Anteater Knows
Offsprung Is Here!
A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood
The Taming Of The Jew
Spurs By A Nose
Paradise Postponed--Again!
Mammals Triumphant
America Held Hostage--By The Pollacks!
Kids Say The Darndest Things '07

April 2007

I WOULD be working at home, but...
It's Never Sunny In Minnedelphia
More Or Less A Perfect Day
The Evil Donkeys Fight Back
Pigs In A Poke
Those Evil Donkeys
Humor And Attitude
Take That, Evil Lakers!
Jaguar Vs. Anaconda
Daddy's Little Helper
All You Can't Eat
Then They Came For The Dogs
Ask Alternadad
So It Goes
But Is He Too Young For Top Secret?
Urine Trouble. Now
We're Not Going To Mars

March 2007

Saving Ryan's Privates
Hot Cock Sauce
The Bee That Nests In Butter
Joystick Daddy
Cat Holocaust
Enter: The Scorpion
Alterna-birth
Rooting Interest
Spoiler Alert!
Rock-n-Romped
Scratch It Rich
Place, Holding
Not The Worst Day Ever
Almost Falling Down
Herky Met The Government
Not So Scholastic
Indulge, Self

February 2007

Author Photo, 2007
Blofeld, Jr.
Say It Ain't So, Tommy!
Father And Son
Let's Make The Water Turn Black
The Brooks Run Dry
Podcastery
DJ, RIP
Spooky, Kooky, Ooky
Published, Produced...
Bubble Boy
Shaq Addendum
Shaq Attack, Part Two--The Telltale Fart
Mamarama
The Other Hippest Babysitter In America
Dare To Be Stupid Again
Someone Understands Me!
Shaq Attack, Part One
Talk, Talk
All In The Phleghmy
Elijahverse Unlimited
Ask Alternadad
I Made The List!
Good Times
Attack Of The Dancing Skeletons

January 2007

Molly Ivins, RIP
The "Debate" Continues
Outbreak
And The Timber Industry Thanks Me
Reviews O' The Day
Alternatube
Dawn Patrol
Tour Update
Ask Alternadad Something Else
Ask Alternadad
Soothing Reassurances
Review O' The Week
My First Meester
The Wild Tour Yonder
Poultrygeist
Apocalypse Now?
Press O' The Day
Bottom Chef
Same Old
Publication Day!
Ask Alternadad
Find The Onion
Swingers
More About The Elijahverse
The Devil's Reveille
Intro To The Elijahverse
Good Elijah Returns
Postal

December 2006

Alternadad Reviews
Welcome!
An Ice Thing To Do
Alternadad In The News
Winter Break
Take Your Bushmills
The Marlboro Man Of Steel
Hump Day
Point And Click And Click And Click
Rock Out With Your Latke Out
Coffee Klutz
On Daddy's BS Knee
One-Eyed Trouser Sock
Neal Pollack, P.I.
Reefer Dadness
Down In The Valley
Sativa, Take Me Away!
Beanie, Baby

November 2006

The Pantsless Wonder
The Season Turns
Father Knows Breast
There Will Be Pollack
For The Love Of Jo-Jo
More Alternadad Chatter
We Have A Dead Cat
The Best Of The Maelstrom
The Bad Wipe
If I Had To Pick A Nose...
Let The Truth Be Told
A Brand New Day
Election Day Distraction
Not The Next Karate Kid
Science Friday
God Forsake Bibs

October 2006

And Now We Are Four
Pick Of The Litter
A Sad Day In Candy Land
Auto Eroticism
The Pantheon Grows
Misfits Of Science
Roll Out The Barrel
Hungry Pangs
You Can't Drive Around With Elijah In Your Car
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Requiem For A Dream
Bhotman
Kinderubicon
Dead By Tuesday

September 2006

The Shirtless Chef
Hideous Stinky
Wish? Did Somebody Say Wish?
Uncanny
Doing It Kitty-Style
Cruel Shoes
The Morning After
Dodgers 11, Padres 10
Another Weekend Comes To A Glamorous End
Swim, You Magnificent Bastard!
Molto Elijaho
Some Dope In The Great White North
The Neverending Story
Elijah At The Plaza

August 2006

Summer Break
Wetting The Deck
Semi-Rough
Mad Dog And Glory
Self-Promotion Friday
He Walks The Line
A Lil' Pimping
Have You Heard About Hugo And Kim?
Forest Camp: The Adventure Continues

July 2006

Into The Forest
Ms. Ali If You're Nasty
Self-Promotion Friday
There's A Glass Of Punch Below Your Feet, And An Angel At Your Head
Beyond Thunderdome
Pollack's Home For Imaginary Friends
Beverage Of Choice
Space Cat
The Curse Of The Black Balloon
Poo Poo Nuts
The Price Of Salt
Dangerous Avenues
Inexplicable Morning Meltdown Of The Week
Here Comes Elijah, He's Wearing A Skirt

June 2006

If Throwing Up Means It Would Be Beneath My Dignity To Climb A Tree
The Root Of Our Problems
Infinite Wisdom
Mandatory Father's Day Post
At Swim, Two Nerds
Paging Esther Mason!
Gutter Talk
Alone Again With Monkey Butt
The Swim Crowd
Pallbearer
This, Son, Is A Dodger Dog

May 2006

Ain't We Lucky We Got Em? Good Times!
Ding-Dong!
They Will Find A Way
Wedding Trashers
You're Next, Dirk!
The Strawberry Juice Crisis
Have A Lice Day
Let's Sort Of Talk About Sex
Just Another Manic Saturday
Kobe And The Pussycats
Up Yours, Kobe
A Day With Ignorance

April 2006

Making Flippy Floppy
Do You Feel The Same? Am I Only Dreaming?
La Lucha Continua
The Long Twelve Hours
Only Giraffes Drink Pee
A Bidet Runs Through It
A Man Alone
Funny Bunny Ascendant
Twilight Of The Dog Psychic
Beaster
The Wiggles Are Greedy Bastards
Attack Of The Cootie Angels
Apocalypse 101
Goo Man No More
No

March 2006

!Viva La Evolucion!
Meet The Grups
Onan The Barbarian
The Rapture
They Call Me Gooey
Next Stop, Naughty Town!
Dad O' The Week
The Ascent Of Man
Big Trouble At The Souplantation
Can You Draw Morrissey?
The Elijah Pollack Invasion
The Glamour Of Oscar Night
Paging Peter Parker

February 2006

Alterna-Family Fun Day
The People That You Meet On Tour
Someone Answer The Wiggle Phone!
Birthday Party-Related Injuries
Ultimate 50 Book Update
Art Linkletter, Please Pick Up A White Paging Phone
Where Is The Justice?
Heigh-ho!
Big Meeting Up In Omaha
Update de la Poo

January 2006

Substantive, Angry Post About Health Insurance
Bing bang Diggiriggidong
The Cat Came Back
An Hour Of Dangerous Television
Wondertime Is Fundertime
You Are My Eye Glue
Suns Lose In Sextuple Overtime
The Terror Of Tiny Town
Bad Medicine
Fun With Trixie And Lulu
Misty Water-Colored Memories
Ten Thousand Thundering Typhoons
A Different Tack
Ruthie And The Klezmers
Home On The Mange
49 And Out

December 2005

A Fine New Year's Greeting
Urine Trouble Now
Guero Where You Going?
The Apprenticeship Of Elijah Kravitz
Elijah Doodle Went To Town
The Golden Nugget
A Pee-Ric Victory
Fecal Matters
Game Of The Weak

November 2005

Potty Party
Poopy Oopy Doopy
Hoops Notes, Booknotes
Chimera
Ripped
A Difficult Choice
Birfday
Eclipse

October 2005

Two More Down
Black Sox Fans
Welcome To The House Of Tang
Stumbling Toward The Finish Line
Announcing...Cracked!
Anthologies
215 Time!

September 2005

Refugees Everywhere!
The Okies Of Ought-Five
World Trembles As Tour Dates Announced!
Brother, Can You Spare A Prevailing Wage?
Let Them Eat Meals Ready To Eat

August 2005

Into The Noir
A Rare Political Post
Chicago Noir--The Cover Story
The Noirman Cometh
I Still Walk The Earth

July 2005

Great
Pollack Live!
Nannygate In A Vacuum
Point Of Order
Relatively Well-Known Writer For Hire
This Week's Phone-In Post
Jackass Of London
And Now For Something Completely Stoic
Live Weak

June 2005

Insert Lame Reference To Punk-Rock Rebellion Here
Get Offa My Property
Introducing Someone Who Introduces Someone Who Introduces Howard Dean
Lowdown Dirty Shame
Chicago, Chicago, That Clean, Beautiful Pristine Town
Justice At Last
Glaucomatose
The End Of The Beginning
Some Books Are Born

May 2005

Manchild in the Promised Land
After MASH
Once Bitten
Splat
Gloat If You Must
I Get Paid For This?
Notes On A Posting
Yeah, Yeah The Day Of The Locusts
Orbital Boned
Fantasy Basketball Meets Calvino
Full Bore
Nash's Hope
Walking Over Memphis

April 2005

Hoops-de-doo!
Jew Sex And Apathy
:28/:58 Update
A Thirty-Year Investment Finally Pays Off
Fourteen, Fifteen, Fake Foer Sighting
Broke Open
Dead Birds Has Spies

March 2005

Twelfth Book, 12th Man
Sweat
The Hounds Of Brixton
The Glories Of South By
Aging Hipsters Unite!
The Pulp Is Still Alive
Braaaaaaaaains!
How I Spent My 35th Birthday
I Shall Wear The Bottoms Of My Trousers Rolled

February 2005

Boy, You're Gonna Carry That Weight
Book Number 9
Hunter S. Thompson, RIP
Is It Safe?
Zogg Bless You for the Zep, Green Day compo
Book Number 8
I Come From The Land Of The Ice And Snow
Suggestion For Essay
memphis, tennessee isn't the greatest city in the world
Reason 800 Not To Have A Website
Grammy Whammy!
Ada Or Craphead
You Still Fuckin' Rock
Ada
Grammys
Grammy time!
Ada, Or Ardor
Hot For Teacher
So I Was Wrong
Foer Review
Foer
Nothing To See Here
Glass-Schell - Thurs AM - 020305
Yeah, Another Book
I Am Even-Handed
You Can Only Hope To Contain Him
Cheese
So I Was Wrong

January 2005

Say Cheese
Leonard Gardner
Some Thanks
Book Number Five
Lesson From The Master
The Maelstrom
Welcome Back, Pollack
Letter To A Young Poet
In America, No One Can Hear You Scream
Literature Then And Now
Goatboy Junior
I Got Your Skull Hum Right Here
Unconstitutional
Not One Not One Damn Dime Day
The Cedar Fever
I Gots The Cedar Fever
The Handmaid, Stale
High Pulp
Two Down, 48 To Go
Take The 50 Book Challenge
What's Too Painful To Remember
The Man Comes Around

December 2004

Feet of Clay
Destroy All Idolators!
On the left...
The Tigris And Euphrates Of Talk-Show Appearances, Babe
Hey, Babe
Happy World AIDS Day!

November 2004

I LOVE our Leader
Pole Lacquer
If George W. Bush ran the NBA...
Today's outrage
Can I get a witness?
The National Book Awards Office Pool
Let the healing begin
The Real World: Fallujah
Here Come The Dominionists!
More great things from the South
A Call To Something Greater Than Arms.
Heidi Julavits

November 2003

beautiful site / i enjoyed everything
Real Neal And Pretend Neal

April 2003

You can call me Jay
A Sentimental Christian Education
Mandatory tax commentary
You can't be Syria
Out in left field
Cha Cha Chalabi
Mohammed Said Sahhaf's Picks To Click
Three weeks that shook the world
Never more rave on
Who's your Baghdaddy?
Michael Kelly, R.I.P.
The Pearl of Kuwait
On to Damascus!
We're winning!
A brief word from Christian Bauman
Cheneys on the run
BUSLOAD OF SAILORS GOES DOWN ON CHENEY'S WIFE
The People! United!

March 2003

Schlock and Oy
Life inside Iraq
More than a few words from Joel Turnipseed
Weekend report
Living on a prayer
My military qualifications
The new face of journalism
The fog of war
My first sandstorm
What the government doesn't want you to see
Around the war horn
From the mouth of a boy at the mouth of the Tigris
So this is war
A housekeeping before the Apocalypse
The dumb-ass war that we must fight
I apologize to the president. Please don't ban my books.
BONUS ENTRY (in which I recklessly reveal the secret recipe for Grandma Diener's Famous Spicy Andouille Etouffee)
Happy Birthday, Judd Hirsch!
Coming soon to the Great White Way!
An evening with Mark Russell
Introducing Neal Pollack
Introducing Rob Diener
Another soldier speaks
A day without satire
Lysistrata this, punk!
Help me choose my wife, part 2
Help me choose my wife
Oh, what a lovely post-war!
A soldier speaks

February 2003

You're someone special: A message from Mr. Rogers
Discarded plotlines
For whom the bong tolls
We got the neutron bomb
Monday housekeeping
Al-Arian: The Vanishing
Let's talk Turkey
The real Michael Jackson revealed
It takes a nation of millions
Au Revoir to All That
Married By America
With A Hey Nonny Nonny And A Hot-Cha-Cha
The dream police are inside my head
If it looks like Osama and sounds like Osama
A difficult choice
We Have Seen Joe Millionaire, And He Is Us
The game is over
Poets for war
The Powell address -- live coverage
Not fast enough
Heat tile of my heart
A Nation Mourns, starring Aaron Brown

January 2003

A Groundhog's Day weekend goodbye
I've woken up to reality something fierce
The State of my Union is large, baby
Blix breaks it down
The pirate in my pants
State of the Union
Sex education
A rerun of a bad writer
Today's supplement
Interview with the Instapundit
The war at home
Around the Horn
Ou est LaCarre?
What Makes Pollack Run?
The skinny
The clone that cried
Frist of the North Star
Arrivederci
I have a dream
I've Got an Unpeaceful, Uneasy Feeling
Deeper than Deep Throat
Faking the funk on terrorism
The First Piece of an Infinity-Piece Puzzle
The Truth about Cats and Dogs and Terrorism

December 2002

Ten minutes before I black out...
The Re-Re-Return of Lizz
The Night the Reindeer Died
Happy fucking Christmas Eve Eve
Just when things were going so well
Best books of the year
Trent from the block, uncensored
Trent from the block
A plan for victory
Good housekeeping
The end of racism
Actually...About Kola Boof. A Letter
Strength and Honor
An exclusive interview with Trent Lott
Demolition
Once I built a railroad
Lott in life
Start killing today
Sad times
Only I truly understand the truth
My new book. Really!
Monumental, extraordinary news
How to be a drone

November 2002

Take a stand, people
All hail DARPA!
The Beagle Song
Beagles unite!
Roger, dodger -- a betrayal
I definitely think I'm falling in love with him
I am whatever you say I am
Loyal readers offer subtle movement news
Certain trumpets
The stinking, pathetic lies of Sadaam Hussein
Another depressing literary controversy
The Avril World
Keepin' it Avril
The return of the king
The adventures of yesterday
The aftermath
Rock the Vote
Introducing America's Newest Sweetheart -- Me!!!

October 2002

He Was A Punk, She Did Ballet, What More Can I Say?
Don't you see what's happening, people?
Orwell Monday
Eerie
Get yer bean pies here!
Orwell -- the adventure continues
Guilty in France
The promise of Bruce Springsteen
Sex and Death: an interview with Neal Pollack
Ow!
My name is Neal Pollack, and I'm a blogger.
Another Orwell question
Orwell questions and answers
We Mourn For You In Solidarity, Our Australian Brethren
Bali who?
I Wipe My Ass On Your Novel
Must... be... funny!
Save Mexico City!
The struggles of a working parent
Rumbling harbingers
New York continued without me
In praise of difficulty
At war with New Jersey
The heart is a lonely Hunter S. Thompson

September 2002

The movement calls your name
You must understand me
Left no more
All jacked up and nowhere to go
Bulled by the Gore
My obscenity trial -- in France!
Insert lame Bob Greene pun here
Destroy all protesters
Can anyone stop Noam Chomsky?
A man wronged
A thought
Shuffle off to Buffalo
Cleaning out my closet
The day after
We cannot forget, cannot remember
Code orange, alert, alert
I have returned
Sullivan the Magnificent
Be Still Now, Sweet Land Of Liberty
Day of labor, week of rest

August 2002

The True Adventures of the Rolling Stones
I Am Not a Homophobe
Being Neal Pollack
Welcome to The Maelstrom